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Show All the Variables & Other Love Storiesl35 kitchen, and which blouse did I prefer, purple or white. She had questions about male partem baldness and the geography of Alaska and all variety of non-interest. I'd make to go home, and she'd stall any way she could, all anxiety, like she expected me to say something I couldn't guess. She called me to the porch for sun-tea and said, "I heard you have a girlfriend now." It wasn't so, and I gathered she heard from Sharlee whose heart all vinegar and antichrist took no pleasure in the world sweeter than spreading rumors. It was harmless enough saying I had a girlfriend, but Sharlee meant to further blacken my name through innuendo, and I told Sister Hearthway as much. She said, "Wouldn't you like a girlfriend?" "Sometimes, but not much. I had enough visits to the Bishop's office for a lifetime, and my experience is all girls get me is trouble," which unfortunately persists to the present hour. She smiled at my admission, "So you must be a very good kisser, then?" "Probably not. I'm pretty out of practice with it. I guess not bad, though. All my favorite movies have kissing so I must've learned from the best." She laughed. "You can't leam kissing from movies. You have to practice. I'd let you practice on me if you promised not to take it seriously." I felt a panic coming on. My throat swelled up, and I heard a ringing like I just been socked. I knew what she said didn't mean what I heard, and I felt guilty for perverted thoughts. I didn't know how to respond for fear she'd know how I took it and find out my adulterous proclivity which was constant around Sister Hearthway. She must've known from the look on my face cause she made real concerned and said, "It's |