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Show All the Variables & Other Love Stories 63 Cara couldn't think about anything but Zach and, frankly, it pissed her off. She lied sunbathing on the balcony sucking fresh lemons with sugar and tried to figure out what he must be thinking. The suite her parents rented had a partitioned balcony prime for sunbathing and, because they had the nervous habit of opening closed doors to encourage air circulation, it was Cara's best chance at some privacy. The sun was blinding in the early afternoons and it was surprisingly warm outside. Cara had loved Zach since childhood. Her older siblings-a brother and sister- were both gone to college when the Hutson's moved next door and until then she'd hurt with loneliness. Zach was more of a favorite toy than a playmate. She would dress him up, pack him happily around. She would flop him into her red wagon and pull him around the block, delighting in his giggles. When she would finally stop he'd scoot his butt forward in the wagon and point at the handle. Yes, she thought, I loved him then. Just a few years later he was already annoyed by her doting. She was not invited to help build forts on the creek banks. Only begrudged could she invite herself. Her parents brought her to the Hutson's on nights they played canasta and Zach ignored her. He locked himself in his room to play video games; she wasn't allowed even to watch without his parents forcing him to let her; she felt embarrassed by herself. In those days she was a painfully quiet girl, skinny and boyish. She spoke with her eyes closed. It was the only way she could combat her towering self-consciousness. She wouldn't speak to strangers at all and if forced to sometimes cried, for what was her self-consciousness she perceived as her inferiority, an idea only compounded by Zach's disdain. She explained to herself later that Zach was only growing up. He wanted his |