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Show All the Variables & Other Love Storiesl21 because he still hasn't found a job. For the first time since Elementary school, I pray before going to bed-to Kali. Greta wakes up in the middle of the night. She had a nightmare. She says it doesn't hurt to pee as much as it did last week. We have oral sex and I feel guilty, like I'm getting something I don't deserve, that I haven't earned it. Oral sex is still technically illegal in Utah, and I'm thrilled to be getting away with something. I wonder if the founding fathers felt the same way when they declared their independence, what that must've been like. I want to declare sovereign of state. I want to be the first American refugee to Cuba. I tell Greta about my revolutionary fantasies and ask if it's anything I should be concerned with, as if it were a cold or a rash. She says America won't fall like France; it'll fall like Rome-it'll just slowly dissolve. The wonders of apathy. To forget about an entire nation and when you go back for it, it's gone. I tell her I finally broke down and lied on my resume. I made up a company as my current employer hoping that would improve my chances. I don't tell her that I broke, though, that I couldn't play it all the way out. I don't tell her when the manager asked me to tell him something about myself, I said I was an ethical catastrophe. She says my credit card company called while I was out looking for a job. I ask what her nightmare was about. "Work," she said. "What happened?" "Nothing, really, it was just a normal day. But I'm there forty hours a week. I don't want to be there any more than I have to." |