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Show 128 big Christmas party that started in the late afternoon, so Kara left me in the darkroom and told me I should lock up when I left. Everybody else was leaving to xkkixgxix smoke dope and drink and wear their berets and listen to poetry records of Jack Kerouac, but she said she wouldn't tell anybody she was leaving me in there so I could stay as long as I wanted. It was nice in there, dark, warm, I had a fix, the place had a radio, I figured I'd camp out. I was having a pretty nice time when I heard somebody at the front door. I turned the radio down, listened to them come xx in, heard sloppy footsteps dump there way down to the darkroom, then the knock. Kara Ruzci, drunk as a toad. And it was warm as swarm in the darkroom and our coats made a romantic bed on the floor under the soft xaxaii safe-light, and Smokey Robinson was on the radio, but the whole thing was more or less a disaster. Kara Ruzci was a drunk lump with one need and the only thing I knew about vaginas was there general vicinity, knowledge enough when all parts of the body are cooperating, or at least the essential part, and mine was inflating and deflating like it had a leak. Just got a little bit of the tip in during the last promise, which ixiax immediately intimidated the hell out of me v/hile meanwhile Kara Ruzci is begging "For Christ's sake stick something in there!" and I wanted to be creative but settled for my middle finger which pretty much put her to sleep. I was relieved. I'd had the impression that the hardest part was finding somebody who wanted to do it. Now I thought about going home because I didn't want to a face her conscious self of post failed sex, but she was lying on my coat, and I started iaxa loving her and wanting her so much and all I could think was k what a failure I'd been and how xaaa she'd realize I was a naive little rodent and have to embarrassingly find ways to be busy in the future or worse ignore it all, so I spent the next couple hours xxaxxgxxxa alternately pacing around her in the axxxxxaax darkroom and lying down next to her and kissing her cool unconscious forehead and lips, though sometimes doing nothing but lie there whimpering, ixxxRxS3tyxxxxxxJit«KxxSlx£xkx»xxxx it must have been me, there wasn't anybody else in the room. Then Kara woke up. She sat up and said, "Bleah." |