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Show 125 of sequence, out of self, and into an urge, not a specific urge, a vague xx warm urge of realization that everything was right there, the whole world was right there and of course if I took my eyes off it, it would be gone, everything would be gone, everything that ever was or ever could be would be gone* gone, gone, gone, and I didn't x want that to happen, I didn't want anything to happen, I wanted everything to stop right there and allow me to xaxixx review my life up to that point so I could discover what was happening, but once again, as the world will have it, I wasn't the getting the cooperation of my environs. I had never been enthralled by a woman before. I knew what they were, I had my mother and Neda and Bush and aunts and sisters of friends. I understood fucking completely, in the abstract, in terms of visuals, ixxxxxxagixx logistics, potential smells. I got hard-ons thinking about slips and underwear and nylons, but none of it had ever been unified into personage, it was sat elite stuff, rampant phenomena, now converged, now sensified, grounded, centered, a new plain of understanding. My photography teacher. How I wanted help in the dark room. I needed help taking my film out of my camera, and help puttting it iixg into the developing cannister, around that very difficult Mia metal coil in dark my fingers had to be guided. I needed help getting it out, making proof sheets, test prints, focusing the enlarger, remembering what chemicals where and how long and what order. It didn't take long enough. We came out of the dark room and she ran a magnifying glass over my proof xxecsixxxx sheets. "Wow," she said. "You took these?" That voice kept chanting over the hi-fi to piano music saying slap-bap, bop. "You took ifcxxxX these?" Her hair fell over her shoulder as she stooped over the sheets and showed a little hollow space between her shoulder and neck that made me feel like I was holding a baby axkxx chick on Easter. "What kind of music is this?" I said. "Are xi you fronting these for somehody?" I lifted the camera and took her picture, changed the aperture and shutter speed and took another- |