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Show All the Variables & Other Love Stories 69 He whipped himself for not having the courage to approach Cara in school. He'd been too in awe of her; he simply lacked confidence. He hadn't wanted her badly enough then and nothing could be done to change it. If that finished him, so be it. And he wasn't being completely honest about it. Even if he had the courage he wouldn't have acted. He thought himself above her for all the stupid reasons of caste. He'd been plenty occupied with other girls. The problem was he'd felt nothing for them, who cared how sought they were supposed to be? The chase was consummated and emptiness followed. Sex excited him only for its newness and once it wasn't new he was restless, of a shallow heart, and again unhappy. Mere erotic pleasure had disappointed and he understood what he wanted wasn't sex; it was Cara. Overnight it snowed a fresh four inches according to the ski report. The powder gleamed diamond studded. Clouds mirrored clouds on earth as in heaven, a gorgeous day partly cloudy and bomber to skiers. Zach looked out the window at the fluffy bolls and thought better. Carving moguls hurt his knee and new snow sat heavy on his skis. He would wait for it to be packed down and do some speed skiing in the afternoon. He found Cara eating breakfast alone and joined her. "I'm not going up yet," he said and tapped his knee. "Make sure and pack it down for me," he winked, "I'll follow^ your tracks later." She sighed, "Zach, look, thanks for the flowers. I owe you an apology." "Well, if this means you're giving me the opportunity, there're a few things I'd like to explain." He told her he was not a hoaxer, he in no way meant to humiliate her, his feelings were genuine. He told her he wasn't seeing anyone, had not seriously seen anyone in |