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Show IfYOU are 2.5 years oldand earn $1000 perannum, yourLIFE is WORTH $19,584Do you carry insurance to cover the loss should you die ?Peneftctal Hitt 3fns;ttrance Co.Vermont Bldg., Salt Lake City, UtahJOSEPH F. SMITH, PresidentLORENZO M. STAHL N. G. STRINGHAMVice Pres. and Mgr. SecretaryTHE STUDENT BAND.Half a bar, half a bar, Half a bar, onward. "With their last gasp of breath, All the band floundered. "Lindy's the tune," he said, "Blow like the deuce, all read." Then each lost his head. Onward they floundered.None knew what tune he played, Yet was a man dismayed? Not though each member knew That they had blundered. Now as the bleachers yell, Louder they strive to swell, Onward to worse than death, On with a nose like, whew! Bravely they blundered.When can their memory fade? Oh, the discords they made. The grandstand wondered. Here's to the student band. Here's to the student ban. Six-not six hundred.-Weekly Highlander.STUNG.TJhe Lawyer (cross examining)-Now what did you say your first name was?The Witness (cautiously)-Waal, I was baptized John Henry.The Lawyer-You were, were you? How do you know you were?The Witness-Waal, I was there, you know.The Lawyer-Huh! How do you know you were there?- The Witness-Why, I couldn't have been baptized otherwise. And besides, I think I can remember it quite well.The Lawyer-Ho, you do, do you?The Witness-Waal,-er-yes.The Lawyer (deeply sarcastic)-Kindly explain to the court and jury, my friend, with the phenomenal memory, how an infant in arms came to remember that ceremony so well, will you?The Witness-Waal-er-you see, I wasn't baptized until I was eighteen years old.-Central Law Journal.HEARD IN ETHICS CLASS.A man in our town, Ashby Boyle, Wanted to argue by Hoyle.His haranguings galoreWfere a terrible bore, For he tangled things up in a coil."C. B. Ellerbeck, Chief Auger-pusher, International Order of Bores."DOES THIS APPLY TO THE YEARBOOK?"Photographs are representations that flatter others and do ourselves an injustice.""The hour is over, but I have the minutes left," said the secretary, as he left the meeting.-Cornell Widow.W£ ADVERTISEDIN THE"UTONIAN(252) |