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Show ousness that a nation fell the professor, so-called, desires to know how far it fell?The third class can hardly he designated a class of professors as some of the instructors included are not professors but are human beings. They realize that a football man has not time for studies and that nobody studies over Saturday and Sunday.Men in the last class often so far forget themselves as to greet the student when they encounter one on the campus and sometimes even fall into utter un-academic demeanor by addressing a student by his antecedent cognomen. Third class professors (according to the rating as herein stated, not as to merit) often use slang without apology and generally attend football, basketball and pinochle games.Now for a general resume. Professors generally wear glasses because their absence sometimes creates an insinuating doubt as to whether the one who lacks them has consulted sufficient authorities during his scholastic career to enable him to successfully conduct a college class. All professors require some effort from the student but many quite needlessly, it seems, impose arduous tasks without the proper provocation. Term papers, maps and class reports are a few of their shortcomings.It has been darkly whispered in college circles that one or two profs never read the work handed to them and there are cases on record, so say the wise ones, which convict a prof of giving an A mark to an empty sheet of paper containing but the student's name and the subject he did NOT write on. Some profs are doctors and, of course, make themselves useful, in one way at least.Astonishing as it may appear some profs have at various times in their lives been abdicted to Coco-Cola others have been imbued with the notion that they could outstep Anna Pavlowa and Gertrude Hoffman. The faculty dancing class is thought to have been responsible for such fantastic notions.Once in a while a professor writes a book that no one reads and once in every decade a prof writes a book that a few people read. Professors like to have their names in the paper and are extremely anxious to have them spelled correctly so that no misguided layman will mistake Jones, the University learning dispenser, for Jones, the onion distributor. They seize every opportunity to display themselves on the stand. Every professor has at some time or other in his life been elected a member of an honorary academic society which needed the money.Psychology professors blossom out in the periodicals with articles reported by the sob artist of the sheet, in which they seriously affirm with a multitude of "I say without fear of successful contradictions" and my research proves without a doubt that woman can knit faster than the male species and that the intellectual status, especially with regard to military adaptability of widowers is greater than that of bachelors. History profs are always willing to tell of meeting "Prince Limburger when I was in Hamburger."Unbelievable as it may seem and incredible in tlus enlightened age considerable circulation has been gained by a rumor to the effect that in a period not so remote as unusual there existed a professor of English who could write a fairly good paper and who spoke according to the precepts of Noah Webster. It must be remembered that in view of the great number of profs and also the well-known tendency to joking manifested by the college student rumors such as this are bound to arise, from what source it is difficult fo ascertain.In conclusion let us say with Arsese "Houssaye" "Let us not talk ill of our enemies. They only, never deceive us."ADVICE TO A FRIEND ON ENTERING THE UNIVERSITYIt is not considered good form to throw rocks at a professor when he reprimands you for not handing in a paper.Before speaking to a girl inquire of the experienced fussers as to her habitat. She may want you to take her to two-dollar shows every night. Then, too, she may live in the next county in which case you will be obliged to hoof it home or else roost on the back porch.If you are unduly bored in a class a good way to relieve your mind is to hold a handkerchief to your nose and walk out. We have never seen it fail.Never make the mistake of wearing a full dress suit on the campus.In regard to apparel-even if the day should be extraordinarily hot-it is an unwritten law that one must not remove his shirt in class.To gain prominence start a big argument in the hail every day.Don't come to class too often-it gives the profs a chance to become too familiar with you.If your mother wants you to be a real nice boy take a course under Dean Ben-nion.* * * *If the professor is on the same car you ride in the morning start a conversation with him about the new government plan to intern all men who wear spats-he will appreciate your interest.If the car is late, however, don't notice him-you have him on the hip.Remember that full many a stewed prune is born to blush unseen in the soup emporium.Page Two Hundred Thirty-two |