OCR Text |
Show It matters not how hard to getHow charged with competition theschool I'm master of them yet I will vamp the unwary fool.THE DEANERY (One act skit in which there is no act.)Student (after waiting for half hour in iffice of dean slides into chair next his august'-or July--presence)-Dean Wampus, I'd like to register for Bushwa 8.Dean (after fifteen minutes of profound thought)-Are you a full-fledged student?Student (nervously)-Ye-yes.Dean-What is your name?Student-Ignatz Goofus.Dean-Are you from Richfield? No, well All this out (dishing out blank with weighty air) and take it to Professor Sloppy.(Lapse of half hour.)(Student comes in office, his July presence is busy debating relative merit of beans and peas as diet with another prof; after half hour's wait student gets dean's eye and smile's at him. Dean looks blank.)Dean-What is it?Student-I got their signatures all right.Dean-Oh, yes; you wanted to register for Windforms 2?S.-No, Bushwa 8.D.-Let's see your name is (wrinkles brow in thought) Honkus?-?S.-No, Ignatz Goofus.D.-Oh, are you from Richfield? (remembering.) No, I've asked you that already, hum, what do I ask you next? (Consults catalog.) Have you all the required subjects for your school? You don't want to spend your Senior year on trivial Freshman subjects. You "will want a lot of time to devote to your major.------Look here (pointing to blank) oneof the professors has signed this in the wrong place-get him to change this and see me tomorrow. You may and you may not be allowed to register for the course. It's the lunch hour now and I must test Professor Bore's ideas on peas as a diet. Also I want to get to the cafeteria before the rush-good day.(Student exits slowly talking French to himself.)(Curtain.)* * * *AUNT LUCYS COW Oh listen, friends, and you shall hear Of the daring deeds of an Engineer, A Utah Engineer was he Full of the devil and revelry No deed he feared, and upon a vow He stole for a football p'rade, a cow. Now who would uphold such a samefulcrime In a serious conservation time, When the babies abroad, cry for food invain While a frivolous cow heads a footballtrain. And yet the worst of the deed ain't told Of this Engineer so cruel and bold. Who's cow did he steal, did he know thatnight?Or did he think he was doing right?Woe! be to him and that awful vowHe stole Aunt Lucy's campus cow.And yet should he think that the women'sdean Should have a cow on the campus green? But then, it was vowed and forth he */ent On getting a cow this youth was bent, He asked the cow, "Do you think it harm To leave your Aunt Lucy's little farm? And join in a rousing football parade, The greatest known in the last delade? "Well," answered the cow, "it's againstmy dignity, I fear To march on the street with an Engineer, I've always been taught to shun a man, And I do it every time I can, But, of course," said the cow, "I'll haveto go, Seeing you need me in it so, But promise me, please, dear Engineer, By six o'clock I'll be back up here." Another vow and the parade began As smooth as a football parade it ran, But alas! alack! the following day When Aunt Lucy came there was "heck"to pay She rushed to the barn, her eyes flashingAre, And cried, "Oh, Cow, you have raised myire, What have you done, oh dear, oh dear, You've paraded the street with an Engineer." The news of disgrace spread far and wide, Aunt Lucy went forth with a manly stride, Straightway to Prexy Sevy and said, "Abduction's the charge on that Engineer'shead, I hold reprisal from that gang right now Who shyly abducted my innocent cow!" "Order the Student Court to convene" (Of cows and women Aunt Lucy's the dean) So the court convened 'hind padded doors, And the Engineers came in by scores The Engineers were a royal crowd And didn't tell "Engineer secrets" aloud, Who took the cow not a fellow knew; That cow to the parade I guess, simplyflew Although every Engineer in school heldthe rope All proof was weighty as bubbles of soap And the Student Court and Aunt Lucy adjourned;Not a single Engineer was interned, When the verdict of Aunt Lucy's cow wasmade It read: "Not stolen. She flew to the football parade."By TOM REES '19.Page Two Hundred Fifty-two |