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Show THE BALL, AND CHAIN OFFERS AIDTHE TWENTY-THIRD PSLAMTO BASHFUL SUITORS(Following- blank form is designed to make "asking her" easy. Simply fill out blanks and present to young lady. Eliminates stuttering, stammering and embarrassment. Guaranteed to work, money back if not suicided. Copywronged 1918, by Mr. Ball and Mr. Chain.)COMMUNICATIONFrom a certain . . . (name here) . . . to an uncertain Miss... (name here) ..., greetings and protestations of friendship.Dear Miss, the above and undersigned, being desirious of slicking about the places of amusement and enjoyment of Salt. Lake City tenders to you the request or invitation, as you -wish, indicated in the following program:7:45 (about)-The persons named in this manifesto leave for the Or-pheum (or any other convenient joint). P. S. The time indicated is probably a typographical error.8:15-Enter show house for two hours' of misery.11:15-Enter Newhouse, (or Odeon, or Bonneville, or Auditorium according to taste and to girl.)12:30-Leave for home (of necessity). All this to take place under Marquis of Queensberry rules on... (date here).. . . (Sign here.) . . .I will (To be filled out by receiver.) <" don't want to (Don't use this line.) R. S. V. P.*HAYNES AND WHITNEYExpert haircutting, We have a brandwe deliver anywhere new scissorsMoney back if we remove more than three square inches of your scalp in one haircut Try us once and you will be afraid to try any other* * * *OUR COMMON DESTINYTo take the girls to all the shows,To think of them with smiles and sighs, To blush when a friend "knocks you down"To a girl who flashes sparkling eyes, To count not money when you spend it,And drown your hopes in gingerale When to another guy you lend it,To keep a brother out of jail.NOT by Henry Newbolt.I-A pslam of a Frosh: Thf Greek is my shadower, I shall not get le) i.2-He maketh me to come nto his house; he leadeth me to the pool tuble.3-He restoreth what he winneth from me; he leadeth me in the paths of his brethren because the rent iu high.4-Yea, though I walk through the shadow of the flunk mark I will fear no evil, for he is with me, his pin and his pull they comfort me.5-He treateth me to bars in the presence of other frat men, he filleth my head with bull, my allowance gets run over.6-Surely, dues and hot dog busts will follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of Eata Bita Pie as long as my credit is good.* * # *PROFESSORAIDOf Quinn we sing our hymn of hate,He shuts the doors when we are lateOn Corays too, we feel quite sour,He hands us readings every hour.On Done Ave wish some evil drastic,Because he thinks he's quite sarcasticMarshall tells us funny talesAnd jokes as dry as cotton bales.On Shackle drop, oh imp, a shellHis lectures certainly are swell.The name of Levi Edgar Young, you see,Was picked from the limbs of his familytree. Professor Baldwin, think we, is right there, But Baldwin must describe his hair. Doc Fellows knows the French Rev'lution And gets for the "Y" a contribution. Mathew's front name must be Dennis, He speaks of cabbages and tennis. Professor Lewis' book, indeed, Of course, he made his students read. Leary shines at making speeches And stands in -well "with all the peaches A man "we like is Adam Bennion, We gents who hang around the Kenyon. On Milton use the anaesthetics, His mind is full of college ethics. Quivey shines in English Two At last, thank heaven, -we're nearlythrough. Artist Brown's a star in every game Assuring him perpetual fameRight here we forsake our muse for the moment to remark that Harriman is not a very Harriman, or is it just a high forehead?Kerr's the man who makes us eligible His French is sometimes quite intelligible Widtsoe's mind is hard to bend And now "we reach the bitter END* * * *We offer Professor Young the suggestion that in the future instead of making archaeological expeditions to Southern Utah he start at home on the campus. We believe college affairs should be staged on the campus, not out at Saltair. We suggest that in starting his collection for the museum he gather that ancient relic of aboriginal days-Dean Gibson's hat, also Professor Coray's notes on the New York-New Haven and Hartford railroad, and Tommy Fitz's joke about the tennis racket.Page Two Hundred Forty |