| OCR Text |
Show 56 Perhaps I was too enthusiastic, for scarcely had we exchanged the greetings of the day when I gave utterance to words that caused gloom in the household and sorrow in my heart. The children had committed some mischief-their father punished them. Bard was in the blame-I could not see why he should always be blamed. I thought one of the others was mostly at fault-and said so. Milford thought I was criticizing him and did not want Bard punished, and thus I brought discord where I hoped to have joy, peace and happiness. Oh, why did I not have more judgment-why could I not restrain those words that were the outflowing of a mother's sensitive heart. Milford blames me and doubtless ever will in this life, but with the aid of my Heavenly Father I will endeavor never to give expression to anything that will have the least semblance of opposition to his actions or wishes. For as I live upon the earth I wish to be a good and true wife and mother. Oh, Heavenly Father, assist me to arrive at that standard that I have set up and Oh may not habit, association or passion deter me from pursuing a course that will ever gain the esteem and good will of my husband. Despite the failure I made this morning my hopes are still the same and I think my determination more firmly fixed, for I feel most forcefully the necessity of improvement and above all I desire to overcome and I know this can be accomplished save but one way-by the power and spirit of my Father and God and this I will seek for with all my might, mind and strength. I must be more energetic in my religion and observe most strictly the requirements of the Gospel. I must be a true Latter-day Saint. And Oh if I do commit errors and make frequent mistakes I pray that I may not become discouraged but press onward with a stronger and firmer determination than ever. I have proven that this cannot be accomplished in a single day. It may take years and perhaps a lifetime for me to arrive at that state of perfection that I desire. January 4th 1872 I am still following out my plan of early rising and constant study whenever circumstances will permit-from four till seven will be my principal time and perhaps aJJ_ that I can spare from other duties, but if I am diligent I can accomplish-something. Oh how I long for knowledge and wisdom. Milford is now deeply immersed in his studies. He has fitted Maggie's room up for a study room, as it is more quiet and retired. He will spend almost his entire time there and I will see but little of him, but I will try and become so engrossed with my studies and work that I will not miss him. And even if I do I must curb my feelings. Oh I must never utter a word of discontent nor do anything |
