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Show 118 revealing of the absent party's state of mind-and spirit. A Sunday walk to visit "a sick friend, Miss Thomas, poor unhappy girl, a victim of heart disease" exposes to her view some of the beautiful homes of the city and builds in her a desire for such comfort. This desire, along with other more noble and spiritual motivations, will figure in her drive to be successful in her studies. By mid January, busy with her studies, Ellis finds herself "more interested every day" and more determined to succeed, but she acknowledges the difficulty when she says, "How much force and energy is required, how much real hard work to gain a little knowledge. If I could only retain what I hear. I try all I can-exert myself to the best of my ability and depend on my Heavenly Father for his blessing and assistance. I have great faith, for I have so often 1Q before realized His goodness that I think He will bless me now." Once again, as when she had been ill at her father's house for some months, Ellis is accused of having a "melancholy" temperament. "A lady remarked to me today, 'You always appear so sad, as though you were grieving over something."' Reflecting upon this, Ellis asks herself: "I wonder if it is really true, if my countenance impresses all observers in this manner. I endeavor to be cheerful... but it requires a constant struggle, a continued watchguard to keep myself from feeling lonely and despondent." How well established Ellis's early-morning study habits have become is demonstrated in this January 14th remark: |
