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Show 55 Heavenly Father for help: December 31, 1871 ...Tonight I realize to a very great extent what a weak, frail creature I am. How vividly is presented to my mind every misdeed of the past-every unkind word and thought, every impatient feeling and action. As I review the past few months especially, I bitterly think that my life has not been what it should be-too often have I murmured and complained. Although I have been sick, or at least not feeling well, and have had some cause for impatience, I know that I have not acted in wisdom. I have in a measure forgotten the source of comfort, peace and joy. Oh, why have I forgotten that the "Darkest cloud has a silver lining," that the most forbidding prospects will depart and reveal the smiling face of God? But why do I repine o'er the past, for it is now of no avail save to make me more determined in the future to improve, to overcome and seek to be more perfect also. And as the year wanes, may many of my imperfections. Oh my Heavenly Father help me in the days that lie before me to be good and noble-to be a more true and faithful wife and a more kind and considerate mother, and Oh help me to perfect myself in all pertaining to the eternities that I may attain an Eternal salvation in Thy Kingdom.'8 As is the case with many well-placed intentions, at least one of Ellis's got side-tracked in the first 24 hours. From January first to the rounding out of her marital year in early May, she finds only a dozen or so occasions when she can take time from the living of life to comment upon it. All of those entries follow: January 1st 1872 I begin upon a new page and upon a new year. How uncertain is life! I know not what circumstances will cause me to write upon these pages-nor do I know what my actions will be in the days of the year to come. It appears today that circumstance is the ruling power. This morning I arose at four-with hopes high and determination strong. I began my studies with zeal, animated by the fond desires of making myself a companion for my husband who is now exerting all his energies to become proficient in the law, and to become a mother competent to teach and instruct his children. This was not all I hoped for, Oh no, I desired to be kind, generous and noble, to commit no action, have no thoughts but that would approbate, to ever be patient and enduring and never cause a cloud to mar the sunshine of nur home. |