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Show 106 not say which states or when he is to depart but is, as ever, tremendously proud of him, for he "seems especially ordained by nature and by God for this position-so great is his power and force of reasoning." Ellis was not alone in her belief that Milford was a gifted speaker. One of Lizzie's daughters, no doubt influenced to a degree by her mother's attitudes, said his "lectures were concise, 2 logical, and clothed in beautiful language." What is perhaps the most heart-wrenching entry of Ellis's seven-year record follows: Salt Lake City Nov. 1874 Once I was happy for I thought I was beloved, yes, I thought I knew that I was-probably I was then-but-Oh it is past. I feel my heart breaking and I sigh o'er what has been, but now has ceased to be. Even in my happiest moments the thought that he would ever change was agonizing and I felt that the realization of such an event would deprive me either of life or reason. Heaven grant the result may not be so dreadful.3 Whatever the soul-shaking occasion may have been, it does not prevent an upwelling of Ellis's gratitude at year's end nor keep Milford from blessing and naming the new baby. A subdued observation on her birthday, with no reference to the fact that it j_s her birthday, but heavy allusions to the idea that she will soon be in life's decline, has Ellis affirming that the greatest thing she needs to accomplish is to bring "self into subjection" and that it cannot happen except by "knowing self and possessing the spirit of God." The next entry is February 24th, little Bard's birthday. His mother offers a fervent prayer that he may become an honorable man |
