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Show Acting Alone Page 117 god-damn cattleprod, I started liftin my bare butt and nuts up to meet it, cause I was likin the pain! Ain't that like some kind of freak? Like some kind of damn homo?" "Why're you asking me?" "I got so I was gettin into bein a prisoner, just layin back and bein fed. I even stopped exercisin for a while, and shavin too. And brushin my teeth. I got sos I was dreadin the thought of bein sent free. I used to whack off at night and at the same time I'd imagine myself crawlin on my belly to this one real young Eyeranian kid who I was sorta friends with. Crawlin on my belly and lickin the sand out from between his toes. . ." (Short pause while one or the other of the young men has a coughing fit. Spikey continues.) "You know, a couple days ago I watched our neighbor lady with her two babies. The youngest is her favorite, and the oldest knows it, so the oldest is always lookin up at the mama's face with these big eyes, tryin to figure out what Mama will want next, tryin to please Mama, just a little bitty baby. And all it gets from Mama is a whack upside the head, cause it's the unfavorite baby. But still it looks at the mama all the same, with these big, wide open eyes. . . Well, that's the way my eyes was all the time in Eyeran. When I seen them videotapes of us last Christmas, I didn't see my face on my head. I seen that little neighbor baby's face. And it scares the damn out of me. It embarrasses me in front of all the United States of America. I wanna make this book cover that all up. I wanna tell a story in this book, and make it a strong story, you know? Like in them fine old Audie Murphy movies? Will you help me?" |