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Show CHRYSALIS PAGE 121 window. Half of me seemed to wait for her and half of me was terrified she might come. I didn't sleep a wink until three A.M. when I got Mother to come in with me. The nights are so bad. I'm so filled up with hurt - it just won't go away! Sometimes I just want to scream and rant and rave, and I have to go on behaving normally as if everything was all right. It's time for bed again and I dread it. Jenny's afterthoughts: I felt a great need afterward to talk about her, so I did, compulsively, to everyone who would listen. I think that helped me eventually to let go. Everybody was wonderful and they did all they could, but I craved something more. It was touching, it was empathy with someone who really understood my feelings that I needed. I found it with David and with a neighbor who had lost her son. It was like we were a club. We needed to talk to others who had experienced this. When we talked, we said volumes with a phrase, or a look, a pat, or a hug. We needed to cry with someone over our mutual losses. David and I clung to each other like animals for months. We grieved together. When he woke up crying in the night, I |