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Show CHRYSALIS PAGE 92 to Christopher's four-year-old chatter, to draw with him, and paint (like Dylan Thomas, we paint the sky and grass and trees any color we choose). I find time to purely enjoy. I've listened to the Brandenburg Concertos, to Vivaldi, and Telemann, and Scarlatti Masses. I read to the boys. I tell them every day how very much I love them. I have even found time to practice the piano. Time. Time is everything. Lord, don't let me waste time. At variables. Emotional highs followed by lows, like a weather chart . I go to see the doctor with a painful right knee. He orders X-rays of the knee and blood tests, which show nothing abnormal, except that the white count is up and the sed rate is high. What does that mean? He writes, "Melanoma - possibility of metastasis" on the insurance papers. My heart skips a beat, and I wonder if it will start again. Has the "possibility of metastasis" not occurred to me? Of course it has. It occurs to me every time I cough, or hurt with the flu, or have a headache. I suffer acute anxiety attacks at the prospect of a simple office call. |