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Show CHRYSALIS PAGE 73 Punishment. Who knows? Maybe if I had behaved better then, had been less - willful, less stubborn. Maybe if I had stayed home and become a secretary. This is absurd, I tell myself now, to worry over things that happened such a long time ago. I recognize that I am, or have been, good and bad, not good or_ bad. But everything happens for a_ reason. Basic science. Cause and effect. The mind grasps for answers, seeks reasons where there are none. Why do I need to believe there is a reason? Does it matter? It would have happened anyway, I tell myself. It would have happened anyway. Would it? It matters! Mark is an idealist, a dreamer with the soul of a poet. I think of our time together as bonfires at the beach, waterfront carnival lights reflected in the water, seen from the top basket of the ferris wheel. He was folk songs sung on his guitar, and collections of sea-shells. He was long walks out to the end of the pier where little boys and old men threw crayfish bait |