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Show CHRYSALIS PAGE 25 probability that I will die "very quickly." And deep down, I refuse to believe any of it. Instead, I wrap myself in a cocoon and try to believe that these things will not happen to me. After all, the tests showed nothing residual - that leaves some little spark of hope. Maybe I will be among the lucky 1,000. Maybe I won't. Nothing is sure. Mrs. Fische died today- I think I am going to cry. I feel a great loss although I didn't really know her. We only spoke once, when she asked me, "Are the holidays here yet?" The nurse checked her pulse, disconnected the IV and stored it neatly in the corner, and pulled the curtain. Much later a doctor arrived with another man in a dark business suit. They brought a gurney and a large gold cloth that looked like a tablecloth. After a few minutes they emerged, wheeling the gurney out. The bed was empty. She's better off, I say to make myself feel better. What a depressing place. I think I'll go upstairs and look at the new babies. The nurses won't like that. I'll pretend I'm going down to the solarium, and when no one is looking I'll |