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Show 22 The R E L A P s E ; or, Y. F. Stand off, old Sodom. C. Nay, prithee n ow don't be fo coy. r. F. Keep your Hands to your felf, you old D o g you, or I'll wring your Nofe ofF. C. Haft thou then been a Year in Italy, and brought home a Fool at laft ? By my Confcience, the young Fellows of this Age profit no more by their going a-broad, than they do by their going to Church. Sirrah, Sirrah, if you are not hang'd before you come to my Years, you'll know a Cock from a Hen. But come, I'm ftill a Friend to thy Perfon, though I have a Con-tempt of thy Undeiftanding ; and therefore I wou'd willingly know thy Condition, that I may fee whether thou {tended in need of m y Affrftance: for Widows fwarm, m y Boy, the Town's infected with 'em. r. F. I ftand in need of any body's Affiftance, that will help m e to cut m y Elder Brother's Throat, without the Rifque of being hang'd for him. C. I'gad, Sirrah, I cou'd help thee to do him almoft as good a turn, without the danger of being burnt in the Hand for't. Y. F. Sayeft thou fo, old Satan ? Shew m e but that, and m y Soul is thine. C. Pox, o'thy Soul, give m e thy warm Body, Sirra h I fhall have a fubftantial Title to't when I tell thee my Project. Y. F. Out with it then, dear Dad, and take pofTeflion as foon as thou wilt. C. Say'ft thou fo m y Hepheflion .<? W h y then thus lies the Scene, but hold ; who's that ? if w e are heard we are undone. T. F. What have you forgot*-^/-)/ ? €. W h o , trufty Lory, is it thee? Lo. At your Service, Sir. C. Give m e thy Hand, Old Boy ; I'gad I did not know thee again ; but 1 remember thy Honefty, though I did not thy Face ; I think thou hadft like to have been hang'd once or twice for thy Mafter. Lo. Sir, I was very near once haying that Honour. C Virtue in Danger. 2 ] €. Well, live and hope ; don't be difcourag'd ; eat With him, and drink with him, and do what he bids thee, and it may be thy Reward at laft, as well as another's. To Y. F.] Well, Sir, you muft know I have done you the Kindnefs to make up a Match for your Brother. Y.F. I a m very much beholden to you truly. C. You may be, Sirrah, before the Wedding-day yet • the Lady is a great Heirefs ; fifteen hundred Pound a year, and a great Bag of Money ; the Match is concluded, the Writings are drawn, and the Pipkin's to be crack'd in a Fortnight Now you muft know, Stripling (with Refped to your Mother) yout Brother's the Son of a Whore. Y. F. Good. C. He has given m e a Bond of a Thoufand Pounds for helping him to this Fortune, and has promis'd m e as much more in ready Money upon the Day of Marriage, which, I underftand by a Friend, he ne'er deiiinis to pay m e ; If therefore you will be a generous you Dog, and fecure m e five thoufand Pounds, I'll be a covetous old Rogue, and help you to the Lady. Y. F. I'gad, if thou canft bring this about, I'll have thy Statue caft in Brafs. But don't you doat, you old Pander you, when you talk at this rate ? C. That your youthful Parts fhall judge of: This plump Partridge, that I tell you of; lives in the Country, fifty Miles off, with her honoured Parents, in a lonely old Houfe which no body comes near ; me never goes abroad, nor fees Company at home : T o prevent all Misfortunes, fhehas her Breeding within Doors the Parfon of the Parifh teaches her to play on the Bafe- Viol, the Clerk to fing, her Nurfeto drefs, and her Father to dance : In fhort, no body can give you Admittance there but I; nor can I do it any other way, than by making you pafs for your Brother. ?. F. And how the Devil wilt thou do that ? C. Without the Devil's Aid, I warrant thee. Thy brother s Face not one of the Family ever faw, the whole Bufinefs has been manag'd by m e , and all the Letter |