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Show A fast moving deer, belonging to the Uintah Fish and Game, collided with an auto on the corner of Vernal Ave. and 2500 South last night. Dr. Oscarson lost all hope for the deer after a grueling 10 minutes of intense surgery. EMT’s reported that the liver and heart were missing when they arrived. Name of the deer is being withheld pending notification of next of kin. The car was reported unharmed. DEAR JAN: I wanted to run for studentbody pres, but my name isn’t Calvin! What should I do? Alvin Shmuck DEAR SHMUCK: Change your name fool! THE FLYING NUN IN CONCERT Ramblerettes celebrate performance prior to vicious attack. DEAR JAN: I’ve asked eight guys to Saddie Hawkins, 3 are going hunting, 2 of their Grandmothers died, and the other 3 need to wash their hair, what should I do? Desperate Soph ~ DEAR DESPERATE: Ramblerettes attacked after command performance. The only clues given were profanities being mumbled by the battered Ramblerettes; something to the effect of ‘‘You ets! You ets!”’ In an unrelated incident the body of a Mr. Gary Temple was found beneath POLO TEAM SCHEDULE ANNOUNCED a Oe ics ess ve eee Nov. 17 BEMer UM id ok bw 5 4 ons Feb. 3 BES: VERE es os os es Nov. 30 SY€ Sees enna Dec. 10 DenPA, WUE 0 hbk acces ss June 6 BGS WI kn besos cies Dec. 14 DISTORTED VIEW...... Cancelled AREA, VERE ook ows cise Dec. 25 Ray D. Aider to Rhea Tard Elmer Sklue to Sue Age Mel Odious to Bette Wetter X.O. Verrisi to Helen Highwater Doug Grave to Gerta Loins Chip Monk to Frieda Slaves Rex Karrs to Emmy Nems Jerry Atrick to Bunny Pellits Moe Tell to Fanny Farmer Kurt Remarque to Sadie Word the bleachers of the football field. No witnesses have yet been found. The only evidence was severe flag puncture wounds in his chest, and a piece of recording tape wrapped around his neck. Happy Harold Hopla is no longer happy. It appears that someone broke into his room stealing everything from a College Prep English test to a stale doughnut left in his drawer. A baffled Mr. Hopla told reporters, I just don’t understand. I check everything in this room to make sure it’s locked up, sometimes even 3 or 4 times. Someone must have copies for my keys. Have you considered asking your brother? LIVE AT THE LAST CHANCE coming attractions ‘ROBERT SCHULTZ”’ and the Copenhagen Cowboys ‘‘The Burritto Brothers”’ featuring their new hit, ‘*POOR LITTLE BLACK BOY” DEAR JAN: Everytime I walk down the hall someone always flips my dress up and yells, ‘It’s dress-up day.’’ Is there something I can do? Wearing-Pants-Now DEAR PANTS: Have you tried stapeling your dress to your pantyhose? DEAR JAN: I’m in love with an older man. I’ve waited too long for this. Is it too late to teach an old dog new tricks? Signed Mae Kay DEAR MAE KAY: Are you kidding? Ge didn’t she? “T’ll do anything to get a heavyweight that can win, I don’t care where I have to go or what I have to do, but I will have a winning heavyweight!”’ barked Henry with a flare in his nostrils and a grind of his teeth. Coach Henry hinted that if the right heavyweight was found he’d have a good chance of becoming his favorite son. Henry also grunted, “‘I’ll begin a school wide or even a city wide sear. if necessary. No fast food place unturned, I mean businegg ‘*We tried to work at heavyweight, C but tl have as much to offer as @ Henry shows off new heavy weight wrestlers. do!”” Dippiness most frequently occurs in Does your teacher. . . 10. enjoy sophmore’s company? teachers between the ages of 24 and retirement. It can have lasting and emotional and physical effects on stu- 1. look funny? —_2. have an unusual odor? 3. tell stupid jokes? 11. eat chalk? 12. loose their keys? 13. take notes in faculty meeting? dents. Doctors have concluded that dippiness will wear off as soon as the 4. wear different colored socks? 5. talk to themselves? 14. ride a bicycle to school? 15. bring a nutritional lunch? teacher either quits or retires. A plague 6. walk like a penguin? 16. cry in class? of ‘‘Dippies’’ has been known to spread quickly through an entire 7. come to school at 6:30? 8. leave school at 8:30? 17. have an unwashed hankie? 18. wear a Mickey Mouse watch? faculty. 9. consider Calvin Knight’s poems a work of art? |
