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Show 32.i "Isn't it dangerous?" "Not if the doctor's competent. It's more dangerous to have the damned thing. What difference does it make to you anyhow? Isn't it up to me and the Holy Ghost?" Vanity I suppose is what it was. I had no disagreement with abortion as such; if a woman wanted one, it should be entirely her decision. Yet I resisted thio one; I told her it was more dangerous than she thought, she'd better think it over. That made her madder than ever, coldly furious: "I see. Now that you know it's yours you don't want your little thing going down the drain. Not as long as I'm the one that bears it. My god, the egotism of men is unbelievable! If women could only believe it, the plain fact of it, then they would . . . But they can't, it's simply unbelievable!" "It isn't that at all." That wasn't all of it, I meant. There was something else. "What is it then?" "I don't know." "What is it, Ace?" "I don't know. I think I --" "Oh come on, what is. it?" "I don't know!" I started to shout. "L don't know, god damn it.' It's because I love you!" "Shit. Get out of my life, will you?" Something cold penetrated my chest, curled up there as if to die. Yet that night I had a sunny, horse-filled dream, vague but somehow full of joy. I arose the next day determined. I told her I was going out to find a new place to live and she hardly answered. She seemed both furious with me, evend disgusted with me, and uncertain as well, confused. She was getting a line on a good doctor but was not cheered by it. She was unhappy. There was something dead and disappointed about her. Her face looked dead, her skin pasty white |
