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Show ' 19G lHCII ,\IlD !iUHDIS. painful period, did ull in their power to console rne. They spared no attentions, they witldJCid no com;ideration, that migllt have been gratifying to the bruised and broken spirit. .AuJ yet no ministcrings could have been more judicious than were tlJCirs. The word of kindness was never out of !)lace. There was nothing intrusive in their 't.endancc, but a general fitness of speech and gesture, so far as I perceived them, extended through the movements of the whole f~unily. Colonel Grafton, with a prOj)Cr considerateness, entirely forcbore the subject or my loss j his words were few and wcJI timed; and, tlwugh they were not directly addressed to my griefs, their tendency was to administer to tllCm. 1f his good sense made him avoid a rude tentin~'~' of the wound, he did not fall into the opposite error of 8cckin~ to ma~<c lig~1t of it. His countenance haU a subdued graYity npon 1t, winch softened into sweetness a face in which bcnir•nity and manliness were evenly mingled, elevating and qualifYing one :mother, and his language was given to subjects beJou()". ing to the general interests of humanity which the mourn~r might very well apply to his nffiictiou without being curiously seen to do so. l\[rs. Grafton's cares were no less considerate tha~ his. .Uy m?ther could not so keenly have studied my feelmgs, nor so kmdly have administered to them. Julin, too, seemed to grow less shy than usual, and sat down like a confiding child beside me, bringing me her work to look at, and unfolding to me the most valued stores of her little librnry. Sorrow has no sex, and woman becomes counweous to serve in affliction the man whom she would tremble in~::~l>rosperity bmcly to encounter. Her lover made his appearance but once during my stay, and remained but a short time, so that I l~:1d her company in several of my sad rambles. Somehow, I felt my greatest source of consolation in l1er. It is probable tlwt wo derive strength from tl1_e contem1)Jation of a weakness whicl1 is greater tlw.n ?mown. _1 felt it so with me. The confid ing dependence of th1s lovely gu·l-her appenls to my superior informationtaught me at moments to lose sight of my cares: ~md, perhaps, as sl1e saw this, with the natural arts of h er sex, sllC became more confiding-more a chiJd. At length, I started from my stupor. I grew a sl1amed of my weakness. 'fo feel our losses is becoming enough-to yield ..... P,\USE-BUT NO'\" RF.POSI-:. 197 to them and sink und<'l" tlteir pressuro is base and unmanly I was vexed to think that Colonel Grafton should have so long beheld me i11 the fC'cble attitl\{1e of grief. I wns determined to r esume my character. "1 must gn," I e),. claimed; 0 I must leave yon to-morrow, colonel.'' It was thus I m1dresse<lllim on tll<) cveuing of th<' tl1ird day nfter the family had retired for tho nigltt. "\\'ltere will you go1" he nsked. 'l'ltc question staggered me. ' Vlterc was I to go 1 Should I retmn to :Marengo 1 Should I be the one to carry suffering to the poor girl whom fate lwd defrnuded of her lover 7 Could 1 Jta,·c strength to '-'pcr~k the words of doom and misery 7 Impossible_! On my own account I lmd no reason to return. I !tad not lung to seek in that quartcr-uo hopes to invite my steps-no dut.y (so I fancied then) to impel me to retrace a journ,~y begun with bO much boldnc::~s, nnd, so f:n, pursued with so muclt ill fortune. "I will not return," my heart. said within me. " 1 dare not. I can not look on Emmeline again. I t was Ill)' pleadings and persuasions, that made her lover my comp:~nion in this fatal adventure, u11d how can 1 meet her eye of. reproach 1 llow can I hear her ask-•,Vhere is ltc '!-why ha\"C you not brought him back to me 7' VV ell tlid 1 remember her parting dircctiom;-' 'l 'nke care of one another.' Hml 1 taken care of him 7 I was the more prudent, tlte more thoughtful and suspicious. I knew him to be careless, frank, free, confiding. llad I taken due care of him 1 ]lacl I been as watchful as 1 should have been 7 Uad lnol su{l"ercd him heedlessly to plunge into the toils when a resolute word of mine wouh1 have kept him from them 1" I could not satisfy myself by my answer to these self-proposec1 questions, and 1 resolved to go forward. " In the wilds of Mississippi I will bury myself. 'l'he bosom of the 'nation' shall receive me. I will not look on Marengo again. I will write to Emmeline- I will tell her in a letter, what I dare not look her in the face and speak." Such was my resolve; a. resolve made in my weakness, and unworthy of n noble mind. When I declared it to Colonel Grafton, with the affectionate interest and freedom of a father, he opposed it. |
