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Show leSSOIlS, Fall/Winter 2002 page 9 dismissed. The worst punishment can often come from oneself, at 2 a.m., when heaping approbation comes so naturally. Risk-taking and succeeding is easy. Risk-taking and failing is also, unfortunately, easy. Using the failure in a positive way is hard, for most of us. In fact, like Tina Turner rollin' down the river, some of us seem to prefer to do it the hard way. To those of you who do it the easy way and are not bothered by occasional or even frequent mishaps in your careers, or who have never experienced even one humiliation, I say, trip laughingly down your path and get out of the way-the rest of us are driving a tank through life and need room. Now that I've claimed my audience, let's talk about that bad smell hovering in the vicinity. Real or not, you may believe others are experiencing your negative event as, well, negative. Intelligent reader, you might want to let go of the need to influence how others perceive you. Not your job. Can't be done. Hopeless, even. It is impossible to control others' perceptions of you, their feelings about you, what they say or think about you. Arrogant, even, to think you know best what someone else should think or feel (or smell). The beauty and ugliness of humans are contained partly in the diverse ways they think and feel, and the freedom of their thoughts and feelings. You might want to go with that. Even more sobering, you might be surprised how little people are really thinking about you. Don't you just hate that? I like it when it's all about me, until I blow something, and then I am very grateful that I do not, in fact, live in a single-person universe. Similarly, don't defend, don't whine, don't kvetch and complain (okay, maybe to your life partner, but not endlessly, or you'll soon have another, perhaps more painful loss to complain about). Whatever you tried, it didn't work; be quiet (inside and out) and move on. I have a nifty trick I'll share with you: conduct yourself as if it was the best thing that happened to you and as if huge bouquets of roses surround you (smells good, no?). When you square your shoulders, look peers in the eye and smile, when you dress well and walk like you own the world, you become your own deodorant. But what about those 2 a.m. thoughts spinning out of control, "It's impossible..." "I'll never..." "I'm such a failure!"? You, my friend, are telling yourself some powerful lies. Why put lying on top of your troubles? Find a phrase to shut down that synapse every time it fires. You can try, "I learned a lot, and I'm a good learner," or "Time to focus on the future." Distract yourself, laugh, whatever it takes to shut your ears to the lie. There also is great value in laying out what has been learned and your shiny new plans to capitalize on this learning, particularly through writing. Journals, letters to mom, poetry and songwriting have comforted, redirected and inspired hundreds before you-why not try writing? Finally, I would like to hear from others what has helped them work through failure. How did you fumigate your personal aura? What worked, and what didn't? How long did it take? I invite you to e-mail me with ideas and responses, and begin a dialogue on risk-taking, success, and failure. Who knows? We try a new thing, we all might end up smelling pretty good. stephanie.richardson@nurs.utah.edu |