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Show Page 38 and it was then I recalled having awakened the night before to find my pillow wet with my tears. I had been dreaming. In my dream I was standing next a forest, trying to peer into its depths. Yet was it too dark to see. Feeling alone and adrift, I entered the forest and saw the face of my mother floating through the trees in a veil of mist. She called my name. I ran toward her only to have her face fade ere I reached it, to reappear in another spot. Then the face of my father appeared, then Aunt Mary, then my mother again. Once even Edward drifted through the leaves calling my name. "Sarah," they called in hollow voices. "Sa-a-ar-a-a-ah." I ran frantically from one to the other, only to have them melt away when I came near. I had awakened sobbing into my pillow, nigh overcome with grief, my heart clutched with desolation and loneliness. Now as I stood peering into the forest of Virginia, I found myself so overcome by that same sense of grief, I sank down upon the earth, buried my head in my hands and wept for the beloved ones who had left me, wept for myself whom they had left. For the first time I felt in my heart, in my soul, what it meant to be truly alone in the world. I thought of Anne, who was even then choosing a mate to share her life with, and wept anew. Soon I would not have even my dear friend to comfort me in my solitude and despair. |