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Show 84 we called her by the last one because it rhymed with blue, the color of her eyes. Mama felt guilty for not pleasing Grandma. The night before she was born I went to a party at Lasca's about two miles above town. Early in the evening I left, to come home on my horse. I was disgruntled with the boy-girl activities, the screaming frivolity, the game-playing which was normal for teenagers, but I saw through the casual leaning against the boys by the girls, who seemed to be absorbed in something else, the quick reactions of the boys. I didn't know exactly what I wanted of a party, but this was not it. When I got home Grandma and Sister Jackman were taking scorched white rags from the oven and they hustled me off to bed without giving answer to the questions tumbling about in my adolescent mind. I knew Mama was having a baby, and I felt shut out. I heard her moans throughout the night, and when they subsided I slept. In the morning Grandma said we had a new baby sister, but Mama was not to be disturbed. I was drawn to her room in spite of myself, determined not to disturb her, so I slipped in quietly and sat looking at her, again white-bled as the pillow-case, her dark hair spread out about her face. I thought about her motherhood, generally and specifically, and was awed by it, how much she had given of herself to bring each one of us into life. I was overwhelmed with love for her and wished I could show it. My thoughts and emotions were so strong that she opened her eyes and looked at me. |
