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Show MY FEELINGS ARE SO CHILLED September 10th-Tuesday-We are camped at Bitter Cottonwood Creek and 304 miles from the Valley. Traveled twelve miles over sand hills and crossed the Sweet Water twice. Last evening Doctor started on a hunting expedition but did not return. This morning when we were ready there was some uneasiness felt in our company. Brother concluded to turn out of corral on the road then start an expedition to hunt him up. We had not got on the road before he was descried. He had gone so far that in trying to return he could not descry our camp so had to wait till the sun arose this morning. He was unsuccessful but saw a panther. Frank is gaining slowly but gradually and my hopes rise in proportion for him. I have so much confidence in this good mountain air as the best remedy for his disease. I wish I could realize its vivifying influence on myself today. I felt rather prostrated-I sewed pretty steady this forenoon mending shirts, etc. I felt unable to sit up this afternoon and under such an influence my thoughts are anything but agreeable. But like Corrinne, I make my own trouble, I act upon the impulse of my own warm nature and experience a delightful enjoyment in acting natural, even while prudence is continually whispering in my ear that I am but treasuring up sorrow for this in the future. But yet like her I want to enjoy the present if it but yield a speck of enjoyment; well knowing " 'Tis all but a dream at the best". And I have had some moments of enjoyment on this trip (tho mingled with mortification) that perhaps will never 26 MY FEELINGS ARE SO CHILLED return. Well let it be, I've had my streaks of sunshine during the pathway of life. What have I not enjoyed except a wedded life and its consequent happiness. And that is now the most dreaded thought. Liberty of conscience and action I have had for years and it has placed me where I am. In embracing Mormonism I followed the dictates of my own judgment, in opposition to that of my best and dearest friends, and may I be guided by the Spirit of God in what future steps I may take as I trust I was in that. And, oh! May I aim to do right in all the things notwithstanding my peculiar traits of character. September 13-Friday noon-One week this morning since Brother Haywood left us. Frank gradually grows better. We have traveled eleven miles this forenoon. Day very cold. I have seen for the first time the snow capped Rocky Mountains. We are now about 270 miles from the Valley. Yesterday I had a delightful treat in having an opportunity of visiting some of my Kanesville friends- Sister Manning and Brother Hutchinson and family and Brother Pitt.1 It was truly a commingling of spirits and has given me some animation that I have been destitute of for two or three days. There is to me such an oppressive spirit in my own company that I find it difficult to bear. September 15th-Sunday-We have just met the expected teams from the Valley, first rate looking oxen. We traveled yesterday and on our carreling about sundown last evening were 250 miles from the Valley. Frank continues to gain daily. His spirits are good and also his appetite and [he] enjoys his food. I suffered yesterday afternoon with headache and very much at night. But this morning I feel well and in good spirits. The petty annoyances that are practiced towards me daily serve but to amuse me now. A plot yesterday formed against my peace turned rather bungling to the plotters. May the Lord bless those who are my friends and confound the plots of my enemies that they may get tired of such small business. The weather is very fine and truly healthy. Cold nights and mornings, clear sunshiny days. I suffer less now, or feel it less than I did some of our warmest days when I suffered so much from chills and cold sweat. * Jacob F. Hutchinson and William Pitt were members of a band. Pitt, as band leader, was converted to Mormonism first, after which every member joined. They immigrated as a unit and sometimes gave concerts or appeared on special days. Pitt composed a special "Capstone March" for the dedication of the Nauvoo Temple. He died February 21, 1873, in Salt Lake City. See Brooks, On the Mormon Frontier, 1:55 n. 19. 27 MARTHA SPENCE HEYWOOD September 17th-Tuesday-Yesterday we kept our Sabbath. Had good water and feed for the cattle. Today had good travel, crossed the South Pass bidding adieu to the Sweet Water and for the first time touching upon the Pacific Springs.2 This day we have crossed the boundary of the Atlantic and Pacific sources. We have been coming up from the former and now we go down to the latter. It was keenly cold this morning but the sun shone clear and water [warmer?] during the day. I feel my health greatly improved. I can endure working without inconvenience and I would scarcely know it was so cold if I did not hear all around me complain. My spirits are good and my mind pretty clear, save one view of reflection. Frank continues to improve in health and was able to write a letter to his folks yesterday and does not seem to suffer from the exertion. We are now 225 miles from the Valley. September 18th-Wednesday-Had a good days travel-very pleasing weather. Pretty late when we camped. Immediately Brother Woodruff rode up to us saying that he had been two nights and a day in the mountains, having met with some disasters concerning their horses and cattle-particulars I do not clearly understand.3 Frank continues to gain but is not yet able to leave his wagon to walk but leaves it for an airing a few minutes before we start. This morning he milked two cows which tired him some. For the last three days we have seen Indians more or less passing along the road. Today I enjoyed a view of the Rocky Mountains on the western side, presenting to my mind a better appearance than the eastern side. September 19th-Thursday-We travelled today over deep sand but made out about fifteen miles. We are now from the valley 179. This has been a warmer day than we have had for some time and I had a little of that oppressive feeling that I have suffered so much during the journey. Frank did not feel quite so well today and after sundown when we corraled, having overtaken Elder Woodruff's company, we have quite a large corral and had meeting on Brother Woodruff's side of the corral. Our trail on the road was very long, 2 A miles wide pass through the Wind River Mountains in southwestern Wyoming, South Pass and its rediscovery by Jedediah Strong Smith contributed significantly to immigration in the 1840s and 1850s. 3 Wilford Woodruff, apostle and fourth president of the LDS church, was involved in missionary work in the eastern United States when the First Presidency ordered him to "return to the Valley, and to bring with him all the Saints he could gather, and such means as could be collected from their properties and from contributions in the East." The Woodruff company arrived in Salt Lake City on October 14, 1850. See Matthias F. Cowley, Wilford Woodruff: History of His Life and Labors . . (Salt Lake City: Deseret News, 1909), pp. 339-43. 28 MY FEELINGS ARE SO CHILLED having also Bishop Hunter's forward ten attached to our train and camped a mile from us. September 22nd-Sunday-This evening we corralled at the fork of the Black River after a steady days travel. Last evening on our halting perceived a carriage and four horses. After leaving I found out that it was sent by Brigham Young for his sister, Mrs. Murray and Mrs. Persis Young.4 I felt disappointed in not knowing that I could have seen Mrs. Murray and written by her until it was too late, but Sarah gave her all the particulars about Frank's health and brought him three potatoes and a piece of melon from her which was indeed a treat to him. He has been some troubled with his cough which he thinks proceeds from the bronchitis and causes him no alarm. He has taken a little cold but now being so near the termination of our journey I do not feel that uneasiness on his account that I did when Brother Haywood left. As to myself I feel a remarkable depression in reference to my arriving in the Valley. When I think of it a sober feeling comes over me that I cannot control. I never experienced this feeling that I know of, on going to any place previous. My health continues good--I do my work regular-sew considerably and read occasionally which is a relief to my general feelings. I have composed and written some verses to Mrs. Johnston and two pieces for the Guardian, besides some others for myself.5 What an amusement this is for my lonely evenings after I do up my work- also our noon halt. September 23-Monday-Traveled but a few miles this forenoon and halted for the day on a very pretty place by a branch of the -140 miles from the Valley. I accomplished considerably of a washing this afternoon without any tax on my strength, nor felt the least tired when done which is very encouraging to me. I have suffered with a bad tooth ache steady all day, but this is a trifle to me after suffering as I have in prostration of strength the most part of this trip. This morning I got a blessing from our captain-of his particular kind but it hurt me not. Frank's health is more consequence to me than the pleasing of our captain and his lady. He does not feel quite so well tonight. I think he sat in the 4 Fanny Young Murray was an older sister of Brigham Young. See James Amasa Little, "Biography of Lorenzo Dow Young," Utah Historical Quarterly 14 (1946) : 69 n. 22. Persis Goodall Young was a wife of Lorenzo Dow Young and hence Fanny's and Brigham's sister-in-law. Ibid., p. 171. " "Mrs. Johnston" was probably the mother of Joseph E. Johnson with whom Martha lived for a short time in Kanesville. The poetry was destined for the Frontier Guardian at Kanesville. 29 MARTHA SPENCE HEYWOOD wind too much this afternoon and ate a piece of pie. His diarrhea returned while his cough seems gaining ground. About six o'clock this evening Brother Woolley's son and a young man with a wagon and seven yoke of oxen from the Valley came, bringing with them vegetables and potatoes. I had a note by them from Brother Lewens who had a prosperous time during his journey. About an hour after they arrived two brethren from the Valley rode up to camp with us for the night on their way to Bishop Hunter's company to hurry them on. I heard that Brother Haywood arrived in the Valley, Sunday the 15th and Brother Woolley's son started next day without hardly seeing him. I also heard Brother Hyde does not start till the first of the month. Good news all the time from the Valley. September 24th-Tuesday-Had a good days travel of 17 miles but most unpleasant on account of a strong head wind and the dust flying thicker than ever before. We have carreled along side of Black Fork. Frank suffered some from hard travel and dust but is better than yesterday. The partial return of his diarrhea seemed to ease his cough. My toothache continued bad till I fell asleep late last night and this morning my face was swollen very much-made me feel quite sickish and prostrated all day. This afternoon I could not sit up but this evening I feel better tho my face aches some. September 25-Wednesday-We are now at Fort Bridger, 113/j miles from the Valley.6 Had a good days travel through rough, very pleasant day and very good camping place. Boys are enjoying themselves with music and dancing. Frank's health some better today. Had a good night's rest last night. I did not suffer today with face ache but my spirits were rather depressed. I committed myself this morning (for the first time since Brother Haywood left) by giving way to an ebullition of feeling bordering on resentment. And getting up rather later than usual having so much to do about Frank's wagon I was excited in my feelings to get everything in order, our teamster behaved uncivil to me and I allowed my temper to get the upper hand of me. Elder Rin has been anything but obliging to me since Brother Haywood left us, nor does he as much [as] milk a cow for some time, not withstanding Brother Woolley scolds ° Fort Bridger, established by James Bridger and his partner Louis Vasquez, was the last supply station before reaching Salt Lake Valley. So vital was it to the Mormon immigration that the LDS church purchased it in 1855 For details of this controversial transaction see Fred R. Gowans and Eugene E. Campbell Press 1975)r'' '" thS Wilderness (Pr°vo: Brigham Young University 30 MY FEELINGS ARE SO CHILLED so much about. For the first time I remembered how many little things Brother Haywood would do for me about starting time, particularly when I was in a hurry. We have heard this evening from the Valley through a person in this place, that Elder Hyde will not leave till the 15th of the next month. September 26th-Thursday-Had a good days travel and we camped at Muddy Creek. This evening the two brethren returned from Brother Hunter's camp. They are about two days behind us- some families short of provisions. Frank is about the same-the riding was hard for him today. This morning I received a greater blessing than previous arising from a simple remark I made to Mrs. Ballard was told, "I might go to Hell for all he cared, was not worth the rope that would hang me" applied an epithet to me that I did not hear prefaced by the word Irish, that he had never been insulted so much by anyone before as he had by me for the last 600 miles of the journey and that I need not think I can rule everything "though I be from Ireland". Since Brother Haywood left us there seems to be a particular satisfaction to utter forth his insulting remarks so loud that the whole camp can hear all he says, what his object is in so doing I cannot conceive for I am very careful in my conduct, remaining in the wagon all the time we travel and attending faithfully to my work when we camp. Occasionally some errand calls me to Mrs. Butterfield but it is solely on Frank's account and this gives great offense, but I cannot submit to such an infringement of liberty or the slightest inconvenience to my patient, he was left in my charge as also in Mrs. Butterfield's and I cannot feel that I have erred in any respect since Brother Haywood left us. October 1st-Tuesday-This evening we are camped 39 miles from the Valley. Today and yesterday had hard travelling, crossing the creek so often and going up and down hills in crossing the mountains. The scenery has been very grand for the last few days, the rocks are so magnificent looking and the mountains so high and perpendicular that it delights, especially being interspersed with shrubbery and small wood in their coats of rich autumnal grandeur. How much it would enhance the pleasure of the contemplation if I had wherewith to say to "How delightful"-but no!, pent up in a wagon, only one place to look out and the most uncompaniable sitting right before all day watching my every movement to find fault with both action and word- whose remarks have nothing of any interest in them to me, being mostly about eating and cooking- 31 MARTHA SPENCE HEYWOOD a theme that I always despised. But Frank is sick and I try to bear with it as patiently as I can but still it's hard. And the teamster's incivility deprives me of getting out of the wagon as I was wont to do when Brother Haywood was with us. A report came from the Valley by a brother and another son of Brother Woolley's that he had taken him a wife since his arrival there, in which I put no credence. This morning the brother and the sons of Woolley's left us to meet us on our arrival to the Valley with Flag, etc.7 Brother Woolley wants to have a great display of his train of which I have no desire to form a part. Frank has coughed distressingly last night and today. I notice when his diarrhea ceases his cough is hard. He is much disappointed in his uncle not sending for him, or even sending him a line or message of any kind. He remarked today that it was his new wife that prevented him.8 October 2nd-Wednesday-A rainy morning greeted us to commence the duties of the day and when we got fairly started Smoot's train was in the road to our inconvenience. About ten o'clock my thoughts were taken off of everything connected with our train by the appearance of Brothers J. E. Johnston and Hyde, making their appearance on their return. I spent about half an hour with Brother Johnston who entertained me with a relation of his own affairs, which were prosperous and also the arrangement he made for my reception amongst his relations, which makes my prospects on entering the Valley rather different from what they have been-how kind, how free hearted, how confiding in his friendship, how congenial his spirit. He is a noble soul and I feel warmly interested in his welfare and why not? I feel to owe him a debt of gratitude for his kindness to me when a stranger. Our traveling has been very hard today and towards night the wagon Mrs. Ballard rides in was upset while she was in it and most fortunately escaped; with the exception of a lame wrist and the spoiling of her bonnet and caps there was little damage done. None of the company's goods were injured. While the wagon was getting to rights Brother Haywood came to us to take Frank away. How different I felt to meet him to what I did to see Brother Johnston. My feelings are so chilled when I think of going to Brother Haywood's house. 7 The arrival of an immigrant company in the valley was often occasion for a ceremonial welcome. 8 This would be Sarah Symonds, Heywood's second wife. 32 |
