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Show •165 "Whereas if I d o n ' t -" " E x a c t l y , " he s a i d. Adam's fluorescent lights bathed the room with a flat unnatural glare, harsh as the illumination of a summer's day in Kansas, but infinitely colder. I slapped at the switch; the lights died but I could still see Jacob huddled in the chair. "I think I'll go do some work in the garden," he said. "It's night." "I'll use the floodlamps." I followed him into the dining-room and sat down at the table; Jacob went out through the glass doors and a second later light fell on the garden. Maybe my brother was right and married life wasn't for everyone, but I had always thought that it was for me, if I could bring myself to settle. Sometimes Morgan and I snapped and snarled at each other like two pitted dogs; to add to that natural hostility the weight of the state's expectations and the good wishes of friends and family seemed crazy. But then again I woke up sometimes convinced beyond the hope of logic that I couldn't live without her. I stared at Adam's wooden Indian and he glared his savage glare back, unimpressed by my reasoning. "It doesn't have to be a war," I said. "The tool shed's locked," Jacob said. Garden odors, moist and green, followed him through the door. |