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Show -109 stiff-necked, often lazy, sensuous as a cat in heat, overly proud. And vulnerable, little-girlish, giddy, generous, intemperate, conservative, slow to forgive injuries fancied or real, affectionate. "Who the hell can understand life?" I said. "Nobody. What's love? I really thought I loved Mary-Ellen. And Morgan, she's sexy, she has a terrific mind, I think I love her too. But I keep asking myself is this really it? I've made too may false starts. Maybe another girl would be sweeter. Jesus, Jacob, how can anybody tell?" "What is it you want out of life?" he said. "Richness," I said. "I want love also, but that's another matter. I want to belong, I want to be up to the ears in life, I want to be plugged into existence and have vital ties with the world." This richness hangs like a ripe apple just beyond my fingers and I know I could snatch it with one lunge, but every time I make my move the apple has shifted a fraction further,- I always come up empty. "I want to settle," I said. "Someday you'll have to." "Every time I start, I feel like I'm beginning to die." "Look out! Look out!" Carlo had turned away from Morgan and was pointing at the water. "They've found something!" He climbed into Adam's tree and ran out along a big lower branch. The divers called out to each other; their |