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Show Patty flings dishwater across the kitchen floor. It is her turn to clean up after snack time. We have been going for an hour and a half. People outside the door keep sticking their heads in to see what is going on; it sounds rather like a killing. Walking in unison, my hands over her's, we get a mop from the closet and proceed to "clean." My voice has become unbearably loud, to drown out her screaming. I detest the violence of such scenes, always have. I shut my eyes when a violent scene appears on a movie screen. I cannot laugh in some insecure way, such scenes are too close for comfort. They are the battles teachers of the emotionally disturbed must fight almost daily without crossing the line of abuse. It is a very fine line and a difficult one to judge, but we do not have our own referees. We use the common sense of our training, the sanity within ourselves that we can rely on, tightly written behavioral goals and programs that let the child lead us to himself. If we lose sight of the child as our leader, we become lost ourselves. Frustrations and a subtle form of madness overtake us, and we hide in paperwork or shut off to children who see us most clearly. We put the mop into the mop bucket. Patty has finally asked me for controls over her own behavior- She becomes calm and happy. We have "cleaned" the floor together, and we have also made our truce with each other- Patty sits in a chair, rocking and content. There is a visible relaxation to her body muscles that becomes permanent after that. I go for a walk with another child. We sing songs on the lawn and he listens to my monologue of gibberish. He is so excited by the special attention he wets his pants and is scolded by an aide in his classroom when we return. He is the child who first showed me a reason to be there. Patty begins to wear her own hearing aid. A donation not likely to appear in her home institution. The training and first hearing test ever done on Patty reveal almost normal awareness levels in the right ear and minimal in the left. So many years have passed without training that it will never be possible to judge if Patty could have at one time learned to speak. Even some children with apparent brain dysfunction, who hear well, have been able to overcome this handicap and learned to speak. But the early treatment and years of catch-up training have not occurred for Patty. We did not "see" her then and we do not see her younger counterparts now. -13- |