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Show and making sure they were carried out. The most strong-willed were the ones who won the game in the end. The chaos of the situation allowed such a thing to happen, and no one on either side could be absolved of blame. But I was her teacher and I cannot be sure even now whether my own concern was linked to some kind of power struggle above me or a fear they had that someone would somewhere still come out on top. Either way, there had been little concern for the welfare of Patty. She was at the end of the list, and had been for a long time before she ever entered my room for the first day of school. And long before any of us had become obsessed with winning. This might have been the end of Patty's story, but because it is real life and not just a story, endings have to reverberate, change, growand multiply in our memories. There is never one ending, but several. The year was not over yet. Nor was it a chronological year as we sat in the second airport waiting for our plane to come. I was taking Patty back, unaware of the "mistake" she would be considered later, even by my own program. I was only conjbious then of how much I cared for her and how alone each of us were, when it came right down to it. Most of us have advocates of some kind, parents or friends. Patty had no one. Her demands were too high to meet, and when I had met them, I could not be consistent in my love for her- The plane was late, and we had already ridden through a rather bumpy set of clouds. I could not explain "waiting", when the plane had already been ridden once. Patty began to fuss and cry, unable to understand. On the way down to our flight gate, a hari krishna had stopped us with a handful of red poppies. She expressed concern for Patty and pinned a poppy on her coat, then turned to me and asked for money. I looked at her, trying to see where the real person might be, and walked off. Even here, I thought, we see only our own rules and our own way of winning. I was overwhelmed and felt sick inside. Patty grew so restless that people began staring. I was used to it, but on this occasion it was too much to handle. We found -19- |