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Show I looked up and saw that someone had been watching us. It was one of the new recreational therapists, who had a hundred clients to serve. We had talked earlier about his working with Patty on a special individual basis. He was fascinated with the signing. Patty's stubborn spirit, and the fact that she caught on so quickly to things. In him I saw myself, on my first day of work, standing on an institution lawn, a little frightened, but fascinated by my chance to be a part of it all at last. He had followed us unobserved and had been watching for over an hour. His blonde hair was silhouetted against the sun. He had that same small compassion of ignorance that had quided me through my first year of teaching. Something you fight to retain as you grow older, and something that my grandmother in all her grace, showed with a certain calm all of her life. Something she had never fought within herself, but rather given naturally to all who knew her. That blind faith to believe in the goodness of people, a campassion much more powerful than the kind more deeply analyzed. The year for Patty was over- A year from the last time I saw her, they will recommend that she be readmitted to our school. But there will be new rules by then and her age and meeting of entrance criteria will be questionable. And for my own sake, I must add that I cannot or would not go through it again. It was too much to ask of myself. I have the normal amount of teacher nightmares now and do not wish to return to so many sleepless ones. And even as I write this, a second child has been sent home on a rule. He is different from Patty because his parents never relinquished ownership of him when they placed him at a state institution. He is fifteen and had his first classroom experience five years ago. The habit of head banging was formed at the institution over many years of being left alone. It took four months to get permission for use of an"adversive' (paddle spanks) for each head bang and two months to reduce it from 150 head bangs per day to less than ten or even none per day. He went to the warehouse for the summer and never came back. o£ |
