OCR Text |
Show He disliked moving from Norfolk, for it was a thriving center and he had more patients than he could treat. But he was a complex, a divided personality. He was courageous and strong. In times of need he could be as composed and professionally grave as necessary to make wise diagnoses and perform difficult operations. Yet he was highly sensitive, imaginative, emotional. As I have mentioned, he worried too much over unsolved problems of his profession. When something went wrong-especially when a young patient died-he did not know whether the fault had been his or a lack in current medical knowledge. He was one of the most studious of men. He tried to keep abreast of new findings in research. But he knew medical knowledge was limited in some aspects, and this troubled him deeply. Was there something else he could have done if science had provided him with more facts, more sophisticated equipment? As I've told, he came to be nagged with splitting headaches and nausea. Late in 1912 he resolved to leave medicine. He'd retire to California and raise chickens in some sunny rural area near the Pacific. Financially he had thriven in those Nebraska years. When he sold his property he would have a modest fortune. A peaceful, pastoral life-that was what he longed for. That time had moments of agony. He saw wreckage of one dream lying around him. No doubt he yearned for relief from his nervous exhaustion. But he couldn't help feeling a certain defeat, even though friends and patients sought to dissuade him. That's why Father's normally unshakable will wavered at the railroad station in Norfolk. A sizable crowd had gathered to voice their regrets and bid us farewell. When several wept he could scarcely keep from joining them. Mother too wept partly because she knew she'd miss many Norfolk friends and partly because she did not know what the future held for us. Because he was 18 years older than she, naturally she trusted his judgement in almost everything. But she wondered if his massive resolution would be enough. For she anticipated that he would be unhappy out of the profession he had believed would be his life work. |