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Show ALASKA- 17 But why, she wondered, was she willing to t i l t into an ocean floating with ice, why was that the most wonderful thing she had ever done, and not the clinging to a cliff at the end of a rope? Maybe granite was too much like Daddy's Harris tweed. Up against i t , she felt it wanting to crush, fling down, dominate, and she couldn't fight on those terms. Where no action was possible, there could be no courage. Sailing was like a dance, and here, now, her hips swinging hign and loose from the memory of wind and rhythms, there was no craving to please, only courage. "You sail very well," Sam said as he handed her up to the train. "No I don't. I'm married." She had to shout over the hiss of releasing brakes. But he called her the following Friday and said, "I need a crew." So she finished out the season and they won the cup. Even with Ian gone, she stood in front of the mirror every day and reminded herself not to feel, a ritual now. It gave her the courage to make love with the man she did not love, although now she could not imagine not knowing his hand on her hair. He never wanted to hear about Ian, but one evening she insisted. "Ian climbs," she said," the way you sail, it's funny." "And you? Have you found something better?" "Yes." "Whatever it is, don't tell me about it. I'm not ready." "Before he handed her up to the train after the final winter regatta, he gave her the cup they had won and said, "Sail with me in the summer. It'll be different." |