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Show Profs Are Advertisers-Braasch Noted Author Propounds Theory That Profs are Beneficial to School. By Herbert Braasch. Camouflaged as an indispensibility of college (such as splashing make-up on the "U", mingling in national hoop tournies, dissipating in penny ante or licking the stripes off stick candy at the "prom"), bobbs up that great liability of a progressive university -the faculty. But it is quite as rude to overlook this minor factor as it is to under-rate the value of the rice dust co-eds use to banish freckles. Do not think of these superfluities as engaged wholly in chanting lectures or reiterating the same jokes ad infinitum. With the following little tales we hope to make the faculty as popular as Florsheims were after the fire sale and make the Aunt Loosery as favored as Sperry and Mehse. First Finding: Dean Merrill has become a literary success, an article of his appearing in the March 29 issued of Far-Fax. It is also reported that Secretary-Registrar El-bert Thomas has been a contributor to the same weekly. Hurrah for Utah! Second Finding: We hail Tom Giles as a non-conformist. He appears to be that rare mammal who will vote for himself if he thinks himself the best man for the office. Feeling his own ability, and with due disregard for conventions, he nominated himself rather than the manager of the glee club to direct singing at one of the California camps this summer. Delighted with the enterprise, the head of the music department resolved to manage the glee club this year. Now, behold our famous glee club. Third Finding: Ernie Hollnigs is the most envied man on the University campus. He teaches the girls how to swim. Fourth Finding: Friend Coray was among the hula-hula dancing spectators at the state fair last fall. Of course it was purely the sociological aspect of the situation that caused his jaw to drop and his eyes to buldge. Fifth Finding: Credit is given the dean's council, including Deans "Gibbie" and Bennion, for killing the "flu" as well as the student body. Sixth Finding: There is a movement on foot to give Comrade B. Roland Lewis a medal for impromptu speaking in recognition of what he did during his first year in Utah. Several wise students invented a Russian name to which they attached spurious literary fame, and asked B. Roland whether he had ever heard of the "great" Slavic author. Report has it that a half hour talk on the merits of the writer followed. Seventh Finding: The tradition of laying out the solar system on the reservation with a pea for the earth and a big gilded ball for the sun has been broken for the first time this year. Professor D. R. (Y.) Allen no longer teaches astronomy. Eighth Finding: College men are now diligently reading the Heartatorium. They have found this the favorite recreation of Doc Ray Harriman and believe this is how the girls so easily fall in love with him. There are a number of other findings that have came under my observation while solving this problem, but owing to the fact that handsome sums have been thrown in my face in order to have them withheld from the press, I have stooped to the cash. But I feel the experiment has been dealt with very satisfactorily, and the above findings will help to give the profs there just rewards. Hats off to the professors! Prof Kerr's Criticism Professor Kerr has criticized the Los Angeles subscription buttons and from the nature of the criticisms the buttons should read something like this: "University," then under that "Be gentle and kind, Utah," and then under that the quotation from a war-popular song "May God bless you while you're away." Page Two Hundred Twenty-one |