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Show Jake's Letter Dear Emancipated S. O. L.- Guess I'd better start with the worst. Bad news first, that's me. Enlisted last week in the School of Engineering. Here they don't give an engineer a pick and shovel, but he wears fatigue clothes so they'll get around to the pick I guess. Nobody's said anything, but that's the way they are mysterious as h-----I. Some dame will smile at you and sell you a ticket to a Greek show. If they'd light-finger my watch it would be better. My economics prof says money is O these days. It must be so. He admits he knows all about money and still he hasn't got any. I wouldn't cultivate him Jack. Was out with a co-ed the other night. You know how we said, last Thanksgiving that the sight of the ugliest girl on earth would be a godsend. The Lord moves in a mysterious way, Jack. She was revealed to me last night. I would have given a dollar to hear call-to-quarters so I could say 'so long, duty calls." I would have loaned my wrist watch gratis till I get my Abie, five years from now. You don't know what an Abie is. 183 hours to an Abie here. It beats a B. S., they tell me. I told them I got my B. S. in the army. The fellow who told me was a MA, he said. His wife must be a pa. If he's a grandma he can't tell me any more about a B. S. This is the last quarter now. It's well named. When the last quarter's about gone you take your exams. I'm ready for my exams now. You know I belong to a fraternity. You know we had a chapter back there where you and I used to go to town when we could run the guard. We only have a paragraph here. I told a fellow to go to hell the other day. Being out of. the army I felt good all over. Next day I saw his name on a glass door in one of the buildings. He sure went quick. We don't do anything according to the book. They gave us a red one like a field artillery but said it wasn't any good. They called it a catalogue, but it didn't have any pictures like most catalogues. We had a junior prom last week. I went in uniform. You know that horse collar they gave me-I wore that coat and it drew the horse-laugh. No wonder they gave my girl a blank look. I spend my afternoons in the library. That's where the sororities all meet each other in open warfare. Each night after the last girl's been kicked out I go home and study. I usually take a book to read while I'm there. It's last year's Utonian. The editor tried to sell me a ticket for the one coming up. I told him I had to be careful with my Liberty Bonds. He said it made a good souvenir;-said I souvenir yourself, let me sell you; some of mine. Repartee, I'll tell the world. We don't have exams for three weeks. Till then each class is so much bunk fatigue. I'm exposed to a lecture now. He thinks this letter is his notes. A minute ago he was giving out an awful line about physique. Just as I was writing about the prom he says sudden: "'Look at the soldiers." I and another fellow who had been asleep run over to the window to see them. Then everybody laughed. It was April fool, but that's no joke. Look at the soldiers! Suttle, eh, Jack? We line up for mess here, too, only nobody blows mess call, and the cooks don't yell "come and get it you !*&() !*" They can't on account of the girls. You can't call a girl a rough name, but you can sure think up a lot of 'em, eh, Jack? You ought to go to college, Jack. Every fellow should rest up after service in the army. Rah, rah, JAKE. M. B.-A picture of me in civil life. They call me Prince Utah. Prince Utah's a dead elephant, but he was only dying when they named me. JAKE. Editor's note-We carried Shafsky's picture with Bull Durham in one or two fingers for about three months, but we finally lost it.) Paige Two Hundred Ten |