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Show AUTHOE'S ENEEVATED CONDITION. 123 heavy sorrow and grief to those who looked to me alone for support; I determined to try and get to camp, I dared not rest my fatigued body, for to rest was to sleep, and sleep was that eternal repose which wakes only in another world. Offering up a silent prayer, I prepared to proceed. I examined my gun and pistols, so as to be prepared if attacked by wolves or Indians, and resumed my lonely and desolate journey. As the night came on, the cold increased ; and a fearful snow storm blew directly in my face, almost blinding me. Bracing myself as firmly as I could against the blast, I followed the deep trail in the snow, and came into camp about ten o'clock at night. It requires a personal experience to appreciate the intense mental suffering which I endured that night; it is deeply engraven with bitter anguish on my heart, and not even time can obliterate it. Col. Fremont was at the camp fire awaiting my arrival. He said he knew I was badly off, but felt certain I would come in, although he did not expect me for an hour. My haggard appearance sufficiently indicated what I suffered. As I stood by the fire warming my frozen limbs, Col. Fremont put out his hand and touched my breast, giving me a slight push ; I immediately threw back my foot to keep myself from falling. Col. Fremont laughed at me and remarked that I had not " half given out," any man who could act as I did on the occasion, was good for many more miles of travel. He went into his tent, and after my supper of horse soup, he sent for me, and then told me why he played this little joke on me; it was to prevent my telling my sufferings to the men ; he saw I had a great deal to say, and that no good would result from my communicating it. He |