The Zion curtain: A documentary play

The Zion Curtain is a documentary play about the collision of ideology and civil rights, using the words of real people to trace the roots and show the effects of reactionary, homophobic doctrines in the Mormon Church. Every "um," "uh," and pause is performed as spoken in original interviews by the author and Matthew Beckham in the fall of 2008 when they were still members of the LDS (Mormon) Church for a documentary film that never came to fruition. They had met while serving as LDS missionaries in Chile in 2000. The making of the documentary coincided with national social upheaval springing from the passage of California's Proposition 8, intended to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, and supported largely by religious organizations like the Mormon Church. These events, combined with other experiences and discussions related to the filming of the documentary, eventually contributed to Russell and Beckham's decision to leave the church and embrace antitheist philosophies. One of the most potent of those experiences was an interview conducted with Mary and Peter Danzig, prior members of the LDS Church's Orchestra at Temple Square, who faced private and public persecution following Peter's decision to speak out publicly against the church's stance on homosexuality. Their moving story, told in their own words, forms the bulk of the play's second act.

THE ZION CURTAIN: A DOCUMENTARY PLAY by Curtis Russell A Senior Honors Thesis Submitted to the Faculty of The University of Utah In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Honors Degree in Bachelor of Arts In Theatre Approved: ____________________ Sydney Cheek-O'Donnell Supervisor ____________________ Gage Williams Chair, Department of Theatre ____________________ Sydney Cheek-O'Donnell Department Honors Advisor ____________________ Dr. Sylvia D. Torti Dean, Honors College April 2014     ABSTRACT The Zion Curtain is a documentary play about the collision of ideology and civil rights, using the words of real people to trace the roots and show the effects of reactionary, homophobic doctrines in the Mormon Church. Every “um,” “uh,” and pause is performed as spoken in original interviews by the author and Matthew Beckham in the fall of 2008 when they were still members of the LDS (Mormon) Church for a documentary film that never came to fruition. They had met while serving as LDS missionaries in Chile in 2000. The making of the documentary coincided with national social upheaval springing from the passage of California’s Proposition 8, intended to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, and supported largely by religious organizations like the Mormon Church. These events, combined with other experiences and discussions related to the filming of the documentary, eventually contributed to Russell and Beckham’s decision to leave the church and embrace antitheist philosophies. One of the most potent of those experiences was an interview conducted with Mary and Peter Danzig, prior members of the LDS Church’s Orchestra at Temple Square, who faced private and public persecution following Peter’s decision to speak out publicly against the church’s stance on homosexuality. Their moving story, told in their own words, forms the bulk of the play’s second act.       ii   Theatre has been a life-long passion of Russell’s, and it was upon resuming his studies at the University of Utah that he was exposed to the works of Anna Deavere Smith, a pioneer in the genre of verbatim theatre. Inspired by her bold works that seek to capture the voice of the American people and present them in dramatically compelling ways, Russell decided to resurrect his and Beckham’s documentary project, fashioning the play from pages and pages of interview transcripts. To provide counterpoint and comedy, he interweaved excerpts from his missionary journal, written as a fresh-faced, naïve young man encountering the “real” world for the first time.       iii   TABLE OF CONTENTS ABSTRACT ii INTRODUCTION 1 PLAY SCRIPT 5       iv   1 INTRODUCTION The Zion Curtain was my first play. It is a documentary play about the collision of ideology and civil rights, using the words of real people to trace the roots and show the effects of reactionary, homophobic doctrines in the Mormon Church. Every “um,” “uh,” and pause is intended to be performed as spoken in original interviews by the author and Matthew Beckham. Late 2012/early 2013 was described as the “Mormon Moment,” following increased exposure for the Mormon Church from the phenomenally successful musical The Book of Mormon and Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign. With The Zion Curtain, I hoped to peel away the layers of propaganda to show what is truly at stake when private religious organizations attempt to publicly legitimize their dogma through political means. I conducted the interviews with my friend Matthew Beckham as part of Jeff Metcalf's "Humanities in Focus" program at Salt Lake Community College in the fall of 2008, when we were still members of the LDS (Mormon) Church. We had met while serving as LDS missionaries in Chile in 2000. The making of the documentary coincided with national social upheaval springing from the passage of California’s Proposition 8, intended to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, and supported largely by religious organizations like the Mormon Church. In fact, members of the church contributed more than $20,000,000 alone in support of the amendment. These events, combined with other experiences and discussions related to the filming of the documentary, eventually contributed to my decision to leave the church and embrace anti-theist philosophies.       2 One of the most potent of those experiences was an interview conducted with Mary and Peter Danzig, prior members of the LDS Church’s Orchestra at Temple Square, who faced private and public persecution following Peter’s decision to speak out publicly against the church’s stance on homosexuality. Sadly, the film never came to fruition. Theatre is a life-long passion of mine, and it was upon resuming my studies at the University of Utah in 2012 that I was exposed to the works of Anna Deavere Smith, a pioneer in the genre of verbatim theatre. Inspired by her bold works that seek to capture the voice of the American people and present them in dramatically compelling ways, I decided to resurrect our documentary project, fashioning the play from pages and pages of interview transcripts. To provide counterpoint and comedy, I interweaved excerpts from my missionary journal, which I wrote as a fresh-faced, naïve young man encountering the “real” world for the first time. The play’s “Elder Russell” could have been lifted straight from the musical The Book of Mormon. These journal entries illuminate further connections between Mormon doctrine and the behavior of its members, showing that the two are intricately connected, not independent, as the church’s supporters often insist. In the words of celebrated and controversial British playwright/philosopher Edward Bond, a personal inspiration of mine, “Society can’t be just and rational in part. What we do and are depend on the relationships between everyone in society. The force and mythology needed to hold together an unjust society damage everything in it.”       3 The Department of Theatre was gracious in providing me rehearsal space, as well as permitting the use of Studio 115 in the Performing Arts Building on the U campus for the performances of the play in early January, 2013. The play was staged with three actors from the Department of Theatre (Dylan Adams, Jacob Lewis, and Napsugar Hegedus), with Adams portraying Elder Russell and the other two dividing the rest of the parts amongst themselves. The director, Mohammad Allam, a Film Studies student, employed a Jerzy Grotowski-inspired "poor theatre" approach to the storytelling; the set consisted of a couple large wooden blocks and three chairs. This approach was partly due to budget constraints, which is to say there was no budget. Costumes were simple and the actors used almost no props, employing dialogue and movement to tell the story, aided by simple light and sound designs by students also from the Department of Theatre. Admission was free, and an estimated 230 patrons viewed the play over the course of five performances during the last week of Christmas break. I served as producer and stage manager, and also handled marketing, posting flyers around campus and downtown, sending out press releases, and even arranging for a slide during the preshow at Broadway Centre Cinemas. The rehearsal process was valuable for refining the revising the play, as the creative team worked together to help me trim narrative fat and make the play as accessible as possible to people unfamiliar with LDS and Utah cultures. We were fairly successful in that regard, though further work could be done to increase accessibility. Throughout the process I learned a great deal about collaboration and revision, and received invaluable hands-on experience in every step of the theatrical process.       4 The process would not have been possible without the support of the University of Utah College of Fine Arts and Department of Theatre, in particular Liz Leckie, Sydney Cheek-O'Donnell, Tim Slover, Barbara Sturgis, Gage Williams, Amy Oakeson, Michele Collins, Taylor Graves, Matthew Tibbs, Jesse Portillo, Patrick Bley, and Sara Pickett.                       5 ACT ONE ELDER RUSSELL Elder Curtis Russell’s missionary journal, 17 March 1999, Missionary Training Center, Provo, Utah: I am sooooooooo tired. But it’s alright – I love this place. There are some people here that hate it, namely my companion Elder Schreiber. I’m surprised about how, I don’t know, bad people are here, i.e. swearing and stuff, namely my companion. It’s kinda frustrating that people hate this place & act so un-missionary-ish. I mean, I’m obviously not the best person, but I’m trying to live by the rules and be obedient and stuff. ANONYMOUS CALIFORNIA PROPOSITION 8 PROTESTER #1, SALT LAKE CITY Yes, I’ve lived here all my life, born and raised here, like you says, I was raised in the church and I still believe in some of it, but you know we’re all born in Christ’s image, like you says we believe the same, we have the same blood, it’s horrible. Like I says, I still believe it, but a lot of it…it’s hard because they say they’re not the first to judge but they are. You know, they say they love everybody but it’s not true at all. If you truly love somebody, yes, you might not agree with it, but you tolerate it. You’re kind. That’s what god is, is kind. He loves everyone. Maybe not, maybe he doesn’t agree with everything but he loves everybody. ELDER RUSSELL Missionary journal, 24 March 1999, MTC: I got a letter from my friend Toshiro yesterday and he said something that really struck a chord with me – he was talking about a blessing he had given to a friend and how it’s weird to think the Lord is trusting people like us to act in his name and do his work here. But he also said that must mean we are some of the best people, in terms of potential, and must be headed for great things. I dig that. ANONYMOUS PROP 8 PROTESTER #2, SALT LAKE CITY I moved to Utah like 2 ½ years ago. I became friends with a bunch of LDS missionaries after joining the church in New York and kept coming out here and fell in love with the place. I was talking to my friend the other day (his name is Arthur and I keep him in my pocket with his magic unicorn), and he was telling me, you know, people do that because they think that most people don’t do that so they think it’s alright to attack other people that believe or feel differently, um, I don’t know how much to talk about it it’s like really an emotional issue for me to know how to deal with it.       6 I mean, I’m a small-town boy. I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that like, I don’t believe in exaltation anymore, but I do believe there’s gonna be plenty of gay and lesbian people in heaven and there’s nothing nobody can do about that no matter what they want to do or make people feel. ELDER RUSSELL Missionary journal, 28 March 1999, MTC: Right now I feel so ready and able to start kickin’ some spiritual hiney…I still kinda miss BYU sometimes. It’s such an awesome place. Where else could you, on the day you get your mission call, turn around as you’re serving up your food in the cafeteria and yell, “I’m goin’ to Chile!!” and have everyone not only understand what I mean but cheer and applaud. It rules booty… I’m getting to know the guys in my district better – they’re pretty cool. Except for the fruity one named Hagen that told me I wasn’t secure with my sexuality. O-kay. I guess now would be an apropos time to describe my district: Elder Borges; a cool guy that likes clogging, Hebrew, and computers. Is giggly often and prone to leaping about. Elder Davies; kind of quiet, but extremely hilarious – looks like Johnny Depp. Elder Hagen; aforementioned fruit, does weird handshakes and generally makes people really mad. Elder Dorian; athlete, likes to fart and record it on tape, we have a mutual acquaintance from Washington; funny guy, good missionary. Elder Martel; Nice guy; don’t think he’s all there, mentally – very interesting, prone to staring for long periods of time. Elder Lucas; very funny, also likes to fart and record it, nice guy. Elder Lovecraft; full of nervous energy, not good with words; nice guy, but really has trouble learning español. Elder Sadock; small-town guy, a little unsure of self-identity; slow learner but very nice. Elder Schreiber; my beloved companion. ‘Nuff said. It’s a great bunch of guys – I can learn a lot from each of ‘em…Oh yeah – I saw a naked guy using a urinal yesterday. Ewwwww…….       7 ANONYMOUS PROP 8 PROTESTER #3, SALT LAKE CITY I don’t see living like that. I’m not prepared to pretend that I don’t have a relationship, I don’t wanna have to lie about it. I don’t want to have to re-explain, defend my position, So it’s not…it’s a case of my having blue eyes, different-colored skin, I have that in terms of this and I’ve lived with it so I can talk from experience rather than theology or theory and I think what happened for me – the whole thing with the church broke down when I started just looking things squarely in the face and said, “Okay, I’ve lived this all these years, I’ve tried to do things their way. Has that worked, has it succeeded? If they’re not right about this what else are they possibly wrong about?” And once I did that I was able to look and say there’s nothing wrong with me having these feelings at all. How come I never thought of that before? And it’s because all the years you just so desperately want the church to be everything you believe it to be, that I wasn’t willing to see any other way of being. And then when I finally made that realization, that it’s morally neutral in a sense, just like blue eyes and brown skin, when I finally made that leap, then it’s just like a weight off my shoulders, I realized it’s no big deal. Of course, I could still decide to be celibate, certainly, but given the fact that I think we are meant to share our lives with someone in this life, I’m not willing to, you know, I understand the church’s thinking but the church never taught celibacy, they taught chastity, which there’s a difference. ANONYMOUS PROP 8 PROTESTER #4, SALT LAKE CITY Just because your church says thou shalt not doesn’t mean others thou shalt can, so I support equality, I believe in equality for everyone, gay, straight, transgender, and we just don’t want to trample on the minority because we can and because God said to. I was raised LDS I served a mission, in fact I was married a little while back when I was “straight,” and when I realized that wasn’t turning me straight-er, I decided no, it’s not working, it’s not fair to her to be lying, and because of that I did come out and we’re still great friends and she’s found a husband that loves her and now it’s my chance to try to find a husband that loves me. But I’m crazy, have issues, and we’ll see what happens. In the meantime I still want my friends to be able to get married.       8 I do wedding photography and if I can photograph gay people getting married, hey, that’s more business for me, man. It’s all about the economics! ELDER RUSSELL 30 March 1999, MTC: I completely totally amazingly butt-crazy-ly love missionary work. This is gonna be the best 2 years of my life, without una duda (a doubt). 3 April: Last night Elder Borges (the DL) had to talk to us about how the spirit hasn’t been much of a presence lately because of the way the district has been acting. Bravo Elder Borges. It’s about time – people talk about dumb things (i.e. farting, making out…), stuff that just drives the spirit away. Some people just don’t seem to understand what kind of a change is required to be a missionary (namely Elder Schreiber). Like today I was walking with Elder Schreiber & his friend who was all “F-in’ blah blah.” Hello! “F-in’?” I can’t believe people talk like that. And he really said it…Whatever – it’s just kind of frustrating that people have a hard time catching the vision of how amazing this work is. I love it so much – why do people always gotta cramp my style? MATTHEW BECKHAM, PHILOSOPHER/PROP 8 PROTEST OBSERVER, SALT LAKE CITY Don’t you think this would be more effective if they went to Temple Square and like sat in on church headquarters or something? Instead of a rainy Sunday night around the library blocked by parked cars? It’s sort of the ultimate expression of being marginalized is if your moments of solidarity come off so lame. It’s the movement’s fault, cuz obviously if the culture sucks is when a movement can be really good, right? When the crescendo of the movement is boring talks and a lame walk around the block it’s definitely the movement’s fault. It’s a pretty gay expression, don’t you think? But you know, it’s consistent with the idea that not only is discourse discouraged but the discouragement isn’t like a heavy-handed discouragement. It’s just sort of diffusing all of our passions and ideas to where it’s like, oh, whatever, ok, let’s walk around the block, I don’t know. Is this the most passionless state in the union? Like from all sides? How about like the forced applause, like, “Oh yeah! Powerful!” How many people do you think came out? Probably hard to have a really radical movement when everybody’s so well-dressed. You know what else is missing – alcohol. I wonder if what’s missing here in Salt Lake – I wonder if there’s just not an appropriate push-back at the gay community, I think that’s the danger of having a prophet is that he sort of issues the edict and people buy it. It’s not like the church has to go out and       9 violently oppose homosexuality, just sort of disseminate it to the members…in California this would have been a much more interesting rally. This is so much ideological masturbation. Like, outside of the rally, who knew that this happened? Who heard it, who saw it? I’m a little bit disappointed. Hopefully the Provo gays will do a better job. ELDER RUSSELL 16 April 1999, MTC: My companion just ran out of the room naked. He’s pretty funny. Elder Borges, the DL, hates him. Speaking of Borges, he’s not really a very good leader. Actually he sucks. 21 April: Elder Schreiber is awesome. I feel bad for being such a judgmental lurp at first – he really is rad. We have a lot in common, even though we’ve lived pretty opposite lives. Yesterday Elder Schreiber had to go clear up some mess so we left class and instead of going back we just came back to the room and chilled. We wanted to find out what Borges really thought about us, so of course we read the letters people had written to him and also his journal – pretty sneaky, eh? The journal was most enlightening. He said things such as “Schreiber and Russell don’t care about anything – I don’t know what to do,” and “I don’t know who Elder Schreiber is here for – it’s not for himself and it’s not for the Lord.” So pretty much the little twerp is toast. CURTIS RUSSELL WITH HIS 3-YEAR OLD SON, XANDER, GILGAL GARDENS, SALT LAKE CITY Curtis – Do you like church, Boos? Xander – Yeah! Curtis – Why do you like church? Xander – Um, church? Curtis – What do you do there? Xander – Um, Jesus Price, amen! Curtis – You learn about Jesus Christ? Xander – No, Jesus Price, amen!       10 Curtis – Jesus Christ, amen? Xander – Amen! Curtis – Is church fun? Xander – Yeah, church hun. Curtis – Go, “I’m a Mormon!” Xander – I Mormon! Curtis – “So eat it!” Xander – Uh, eewit! ELDER RUSSELL 27 April 1999, MTC: I’ve been thinking a lot about obedience lately, especially because of the butt-thumping I got last night, spiritually speaking. Our teacher talked a bunch about having “exact obedience” like the 2,000 stripling warriors, and I felt like scum because before class I was listening to this tape of “music from Babylon,” i.e. Ben Folds Five & Five Iron Frenzy, which is more or less BAD in the MTC…I’m so glad the church is organized such that, no matter how people are, the church never changes – God is a constant and we can each have our own unique testimony – pretty awesome. MATTHEW BECKHAM INTERVIEWS BYU STUDENT, PROVO Matt – Is this the Lord’s university? Student – Uh, I think so yes. Matt – What are the criteria? Student – Well, just because it’s owned and run by the church. Matt – So you went to Nevada and then you’re here. I mean, comparing the two, is it, like spiritually…what’s the difference between going to school in Nevada and BYU? Student – Oh there’s a lot of differences. That’s a tricky question. Let me think for a minute…yeah, we can discuss things like worldly topics, if you want to call them that, like science or math in light of the gospel. Matt – Do you think that’s better than in a secular sort of setting? Especially science. Do you think talking about science in a spiritual setting is better?       11 Student – Like, it’s good both ways, but here, we can talk about that stuff, and we can have insights because we all share, mostly share the same beliefs, and some people can have other insights, we can think about different things. Matt – Okay, the last question – do you think that Heavenly Father’s pleased that you chose to come to BYU and leave Nevada? Student – Uh, yes. ANONYMOUS BYU PROFESSOR, PROVO Because I feel like I’m very interested in things that are going on and I try to encourage my students to be aware and at least encourage my students to take a stand one way or the other…I don’t think that I would be restricted. I wouldn’t feel like I was restricted. Now, saying that, anything could happen. I could say something and tick a student off and the next thing I know someone would be wanting to have a conversation with me, but I don’t feel like, well I don’t feel restricted in what I…should say or shouldn’t say. I mean, I haven’t felt any pressure so far. ELDER RUSSELL 13 May 1999, Cabildo, Chile!: Well, I’m here!...I just finished my first full day of proselyting. Holy cow! It’s the best thing ever! 15 May: I can understand things here and there, but it’s REALLY hard to catch what people are saying. I’ve gotten really good at nodding my head and smiling…I know these two years are going to be tough, but I’m determined to love every single moment. I’ve got a great family, great friends, a great companion, a great sector, and an awesome mission. What more would I ever need? (Well, the ability to flush toilet paper would be nice, but that’s no biggy.) KARL G. MAESER, FOUNDER, BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY I have been asked what I mean by word of honor. I will tell you. Place me behind prison walls – walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground – there is a possibility in some way or another I may escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the circle? No. Never! I’d die first!       12 BYU HONOR CODE STATEMENT, WITH CLARIFICATIONS Male Actor - As a matter of personal commitment, faculty, administration, staff, and students of Brigham Young University, Brigham Young University—Hawaii, Brigham Young University—Idaho, and LDS Business College seek to demonstrate in daily living on and off campus those moral virtues encompassed in the gospel of Jesus Christ, and will: Female Actor - Be honest Live a chaste and virtuous life Obey the law and all campus policies Use clean language Respect others Abstain from alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee, and substance abuse Participate regularly in church services Observe the Dress and Grooming Standards Encourage others in their commitment to comply with the Honor Code. Male - Students must abstain from the use of alcohol, tobacco, and illegal substances and from the intentional misuse or abuse of any substance. Sexual misconduct; obscene or indecent conduct or expressions; disorderly or disruptive conduct; participation in gambling activities; involvement with pornographic, erotic, indecent, or offensive material; and any other conduct or action inconsistent with the principles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Honor Code is not permitted. Female - Brigham Young University will respond to homosexual behavior rather than to feelings or attraction and welcomes as full members of the university community all whose behavior meets university standards. Members of the university community can remain in good Honor Code standing if they conduct their lives in a manner consistent with gospel principles and the Honor Code. Male - One's stated same-gender attraction is not an Honor Code issue. However, the Honor Code requires all members of the university community to manifest a strict commitment to the law of chastity. Homosexual behavior is inappropriate and violates the Honor Code. Homosexual behavior includes not only sexual relations between members of the same sex, but all forms of physical intimacy that give expression to homosexual feelings. Female - The dress and grooming of both men and women should always be modest, neat, and clean, consistent with the dignity adherent to representing The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and any of its institutions of higher education.       13 Modesty and cleanliness are important values that reflect personal dignity and integrity, through which students, staff, and faculty represent the principles and standards of the Church. Members of the BYU community commit themselves to observe the following standards: Male – (demonstrating each concept with gestures) Men: A clean and well-cared-for appearance should be maintained. Clothing is inappropriate when it is sleeveless, revealing, or form fitting. Shorts must be knee-length or longer. Hairstyles should be clean and neat, avoiding extreme styles or colors, and trimmed above the collar, leaving the ear uncovered. Sideburns should not extend below the earlobe or onto the cheek. If worn, moustaches should be neatly trimmed and may not extend beyond or below the corners of the mouth. Men are expected to be clean-shaven; beards are not acceptable. Earrings and other body piercing are not acceptable. Shoes should be worn in all public campus areas. (male actor directs next paragraph directly at the female actor, admonishingly) Women: A clean and well-cared-for appearance should be maintained. Clothing is inappropriate when it is sleeveless, strapless, backless, or revealing; has slits above the knee; or is form fitting. Dresses, skirts, and shorts must be knee-length or longer. Hairstyles should be clean and neat, avoiding extremes in styles or colors. Excessive ear piercing (more than one per ear) and all other body piercing are not acceptable. Shoes should be worn in all public campus areas. MATTHEW BECKHAM INTERVIEWS A BYU EMPLOYEE, PROVO Employee – I don’t want to talk about my job, though. Matt – Really? Employee – I didn’t know what you were going to ask. Cuz it’s confidential. Matt – Really? Employee – Because of the students. Matt – Oh, not because you’re involved in some government anti-terrorism… Employee – No. Matt – We’re analyzing different aspects of LDS culture and obviously BYU’s a major part of that culture. Did you go to school here before? Employee – No. Matt – Alright. Um, why did you choose to work at BYU? Is there…       14 Employee – Um, actually because of proximity. Matt – It was just close by? Employee – Yeah. Matt – So most universities have political life to one degree or another. Do you feel like you have freedom to express your political views as a faculty member at BYU or is that something that… Employee – Yeah, I think I do. I don’t personally choose to express my views in front of people here at BYU, that’s not what I come to work to do, but I’ve never felt like I couldn’t. Matt – Do you ever get a feeling of a pretty vibrant political discourse on campus? Employee – No, I try to stay out of it. Matt – Is there a reason for that? Are you just not interested? Employee – No, I just don’t like politics, I don’t like talking about it with people. Matt – The question I have, and maybe it’s just my own personal bias, a passion of mine, but, do you think that’s something that’s necessary at a university, is a real vibrant political, you know, discussion among students among faculty? Do you think that should be a natural part of going to a university? Employee – I don’t know. Cuz usually political views have to do with personal morals and personal values and I don’t know why my personal values or morals even need to be discussed at a university, so personally no. MATTHEW BECKHAM INTERVIEWS COSMO THE COUGAR, PROVO Matt – Hey Cosmo, can we ask you a few questions? (they shake hands) How’s it goin’? We come from Salt Lake. We came down here to see how the spirit is leading up to the game. Cosmo – (flexes) Matt - Will God be upset if BYU loses? Cosmo – (shrugs) Matt – It’s not your place to say? Cosmo – (shakes head)       15 Matt – Is God gonna help BYU win? Cosmo – (shrugs) Matt – Do you have a message for the U fans we’re gonna see Saturday? Cosmo – (power stance, flexes right bicep sharply, then left, pats each bicep twice, crosses arms in front, draws elbows back dramatically, and points forward) Matt – Awesome! Thank you. Good luck Saturday, alright? I’m pulling for you. Cosmo – (claps twice with spirit and points again) ELDER RUSSELL 19 May 1999, Cabildo: Today after lunch we were walking to the hospital to hang up a poster and Hermana Lunares from the branch walked up and started bawling her eyes out about all this crap going on in the branch. She’s pretty much full of crap. 20 May: There’s so many jerky people like that here, usually women, that keep getting in the way of everything. 25 May: I kind of made a little personal vow that I would contact only men and families…I mean, I could easily find some true converts among women, but the church is all about families. 6 June: I’m thousands of miles away from home, I can’t talk in the language everyone around me is speaking, I’m not living up to my part (studying language, memorizing charlas, etc…), I love the family I’m staying with and I can’t talk to them, I have a companion who always mocks and cuts down and cares more about his hair than anything else, I got thrown right into the middle of the most evil ward in the most evil country in the church, I got yelled at by a member, we’re not baptizing in this sector, all our investigators are slipping through our fingers, the branch is falling apart, we were in an appointment with a gay guy in the place where he cuts hair, he was coming on to my comp, the place was right next to a gay bar, my comp was sitting on a underwear catalog, it was already past 10:30 (the time we’re supposed to be in), and my comp was just laughing at me. 20 June: Church just got out, and, as usual, I was a teensy bit frustrated w/the branch members, being noisy and all…I keep thinking how easy it would be to just give up now and go home and how nice that would be…maybe I just don’t like to work or something, but I’m just not having fun…Man, this sucks. 7 July: Despite the weird evil people here and the difficulties I’ve brought on myself, I love this little town.       16 CURTIS RUSSELL AND MATTHEW BECKHAM, SALT LAKE CITY Matt – I’ve never felt in my life, when I got my calling to be a missionary, that was a…but there’s so much cultural importance attached to that, how can you separate the two? I’d feel the same way if I got called to go somewhere for the Peace Corps. And it’s awesome, it’s great. It doesn’t…it isn’t a testimony of the truthfulness or untruthfulness of it. We shouldn’t give too much weight…that’s why feelings…that’s such a difficult thing to base your entire life upon, all these emotional impressions, you know? Curtis - Well it’s difficult, but what else is there? In this church, what else is there? Xander, don’t play that please! Matt - Like I was having this discussion with this girl about Prop 8 and she’s like, “I’m sad that people don’t spend as much time on their knees as they do talking about it.” And it’s like, you know, if only we could all be de-atomized like that and not ever have any of our opinions intruded upon by our fellow man. And it’s hard for me to reconcile the fact that I was given a brain, that it evolved the way it evolved and it works the way that it works. If I’m gonna attribute it to some higher power, I have to understand that that higher power governed evolution in some way, that it governed the progress of the human mind that would make me have to ask these questions. ELDER RUSSELL 9 July 1999, Cabildo: Whoa – last night I had another one of those “lows” – it sucked! A lot of weird things happened yesterday afternoon. The weirdest of all had to do with Manuel. He’s a 17-year old kid we’ve been working with the whole time I’ve been here – he had most of the charlas before I got here. He’s been putting off baptism because he couldn’t give up smoking – or so he said. Yesterday we found out there’s more – he has a drinking problem too, and to top it all off, he’s BI-SEXUAL!! HE CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET WITH US!! He’s never told anyone about it ever – the only ones that know are us, him, & the guys he’s…done stuff with! Ewwwwww!! The dude’s bi! Talk about a shock to the system! I had no idea what to say. How do you help someone like that? CURTIS RUSSELL AND MATTHEW BECKHAM, SALT LAKE CITY Curtis – What’s that you’re holding in your hand there?       17 Matt – (referring to the copy of The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimball in his hand) Well, you have, um, the works of Adolf Hitler, you have the works of the Marquis de Sade, and you have our own Spencer W. Kimball! Curtis – (laughing) You’re going to hell. Matt – The tradition of sadism continues. Curtis – What’s so pernicious about that book? Matt – Well…you can control people several ways, probably, by promises, you know…promises in the hereafter, or you can just make people feel like shit. Like, you know, there’s this ice cream store in Texas called Braum’s that made these people wear the most ridiculous uniforms, like teenage adult, or teenagers wearing pink shirts and purple hats. That’s a method of control that’s been researched, like you, you steal the dignity of your employees and they’re less likely to ever organize or demand, what does Lenin say, demand a life more or less representative of that of a man. And I think it works the same way in religion and Spencer W. Kimball does a great job here of completely undressing us and making us feel like shit and, you know, it guarantees a certain level of obedience. ELDER RUSSELL 13 August 1999, Cabildo: I love everything about missions. CURTIS RUSSELL AND MATTHEW BECKHAM, SALT LAKE CITY Curtis – Ok, so like, remember when we were in La Serena – I know that was a tough time for you, but don’t you remember being on the mission and it was amazing and such wonderful experiences and such great people, were we really deluding ourselves back then? Were we convincing ourselves of some great untruth or some…I mean what’s different now, 8 years later? Matt – Are you really asking me? Curtis – Yeah, I wanna know. Matt – I felt the same way when I played high school football and basketball.       18 I think there’s a truth that unites those two things, but…the experience was valuable and there was truth in the experience even without an acknowledgment of a complete understanding of the truthfulness of what we were preaching. There’s value in bonding with other people, you know? You don’t have to dress it up with visions of angels. And even if it were true, I don’t think it adds that much more to the experience anyway. Curtis – Whatever true means. ELDER RUSSELL 19 August 1999, Cabildo: President Taylor ripped on us, big-time – the mission’s doing crappy right now, it seems. So that sucked. But, as usual, he really gave us ánimo to be better. Then he gave this talk to just the Elders about masturbation – apparently there’s a problem with that in the mission right now. I thought that was weird. CURTIS RUSSELL, SALT LAKE CITY When my stake president asked me to shave he prefaced it by saying that he had actually thought long and hard about it and had prayed about it and decided that it was the right thing to do to ask me to shave. And how do you argue with that? The whole stake presidency is sitting on the opposite side of the desk from me, and as he asks me, my wife is sitting right here going yes, yes, yes! So there was no other way I could have responded! Especially because of the way I was programmed, you just don’t say no. But as I went home and I just did it immediately before I thought too much about it, as I’m shaving, I’m saying, “This damn church better be true, this damn church better be true”…So I don’t even know what it really…how I really benefitted from it. ELDER RUSSELL 10 September 1999, Belloto: 6 Months in the mission!!! Yep, that’s right. Today is my official “bump date” – the 6-month mark since I went in the MTC. Whoa – that’s crazy. And how am I spending it? On the pot! Yep – I’ve got the worst diarrhea I’ve ever had in my whole life. I’ve been peeing out my butt all day long… It’s hard being obedient with a Chilean comp. E’ Hocico is a great guy, but he does the typical stuff I’d heard that Chilean missionaries do – sleeping in sometimes, not worrying too much about leaving on time, etc…But it’s alright – it’s really helped me see how much I need to improve and become more obedient. (barfs) I just barfed again.       19 ANONYMOUS LDS SCHOLAR, SALT LAKE CITY I think of people like Lowell Bennion, who was the institute director at the U of U and he had some very innovative approaches to avoiding compartmentalization, of trying to make religion a part of everyday life, in a more meaningful way, including incorporating science and other things, but he was just marginalized and sidelined and the CES eventually forced him out, so that by the early 60s he’d moved across the street to the U of U where he did a lot of other great things, he established a community service organization that was great. For whatever reason, I think the 1950s and 60s, there was American conservatism in larger society, I think we just dovetailed with it. That was the Readers Digest era of Mormonism, when the Mormon family looked like every other clean-cut American family, and I think we’ve held on to that, I think we’re still in that period now, where you’re supposed to look like the clean-cut, dad goes to work mom stays home kind of thing, and that causes a lot of guilt for people who don’t fit that model of family. ELDER RUSSELL 30 September 1999, Belloto: It’s so hard not to let E’ Hocico bug me – he’s so chueco! He doesn’t flirt with girls or anything bad, just little things like watching Disney movies and staying up late at night to watch them. We can watch Disney movies, but only on Pday! He hardly ever gets up on time, but now I’m making him. ANONYMOUS LDS SCHOLAR, SALT LAKE CITY I think, as Mormons, we’re looking for something to set us apart from the world. I don’t think there’s a good reason we’ve settled on the quote-unquote missionary style. I don’t think it’s well thought out. If it is, the members certainly aren’t being given a reason. I remember sitting in a priesthood class where several members of the stake presidency were installing a new Elders Quorum presidency, and they made a ridiculous fuss about the fact that you’ve got to be clean-shaven in our stake to serve in an Elders Quorum presidency, which to me seems totally out of left field. The Elders Quorum presidency, a couple of whom I think were not clean-shaven, and had shaved, we didn’t recognize them because they had done that, were praised up and down. And they were actually compared, seriously compared to the handcart pioneers, and not just any handcart pioneer, but the Martin and Willie handcart companies, where people died of frostbite and that kind of thing, and that actually disgusted me to hear that.       20 I was staring around in disbelief that the bodily sacrifice of the handcart pioneers, where some of them literally died, was being compared to what some guys in my ward were doing to accept a calling, so I felt very ambivalent about that. We’re looking for ways to sacrifice, and we’re looking for ways to be different, and by gosh, we’ll find ways to be different. It’s extremely arbitrary, and again, no reason’s ever given for it. We’re just told to do that or we’re given the impression to do it without any well-thought out reason, and I think that’s the most unfortunate thing. People are taught obedience in a most irrational way, which I don’t think is ever healthy for people that are trying to live a moral life. “Live a moral life because we say so, and this is moral and that is not, and it’s just because we say.” I think a lot of these marches and things downtown did no good at all, because the church has never been moved by that. I think if you do massive street marches and that kind of thing, it might feel good, but in the end it only stiffens the resolve of church leaders, and only enforces their view that Satan is against them and that they are on God’s errand. I think the discourse of persecution is so strong in the church and we hear this language of war all the time in the church, that we’re at war and this kind of thing, so any opposition we see at all, especially the more pronounced it is, it’s more likely to be classified as that, and then disregarded. ELDER RUSSELL That Satan…he’s such a loser!       21 ACT TWO ELDER RUSSELL 13 November 1999, Illapel!: On the Saturday when I last wrote, we had an interesting experience. We were walking down the street when a guy called at us to stop. As usual, I kept walking, because drunks are always wanting to be stupid with us. But this guy came up to us and asked if we could go teach him. He said he had shared with missionaries a couple years ago. We went to his house and taught him the charla 1. His name is Iván. He’s a cool guy! He told us about a drug problem he’s had for 20 years and how he wants to stop. Then we couldn’t find him for a few days. We talked to his sister who was living with him but was moving out because she was tired of all the problems he causes. She told us a lot about him – about how he wastes all his money on drugs, how he had 2 kids but no one knows where they are because he’s so irresponsible, etc…and we left there feeling really low – we pretty much gave up on him. Then we found him the next day & he said he hadn’t done any drugs since the 2nd charla & he gave us his crack pipe to throw away. We tossed it into the weeds – that felt good. He has 4 charlas now. He now only smokes, so we’re working with that. We also found out, upon talking about the law of chastity, that a couple of months ago he had an affair with a married woman. He doesn’t really seem to understand the weight of the things he’s done, but he’s coming around. Things are going so well here. I’m loving this place. MATTHEW BECKHAM, SALT LAKE CITY I think it becomes, you know, a responsible person really needs to question, and not just, this is my fun game of questioning but I’m always gonna have these beliefs that are gonna take the fangs out of my questions, but just let it all go. Just let it all go, and start asking yourself real questions, and maybe that, like I was talking to somebody, he resigned from the church, he was in the orchestra for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and he went through some stuff and…he’s like, “You know,” his dad’s still active and his dad said, “You know, what needs to happen, people in the church need to start talking.       22 Probably just there need to be enough people that leave.” PETER AND MARY DANZIG, SALT LAKE CITY Peter – My dad worked for the church when I was a kid, up at the vault in Little Cottonwood Canyon, he was their head of maintenance there, uh, um, and so…my earliest memories, too, are of going up there, and kind of…they used to let people in, now I think families can get a tour once in a while but it’s locked down by security. Apparently someone came into Sam Weller’s with a, uh, microfilm copy, I think it was…Heber C. Kimball’s? Mary – I think so. Peter – I think it was Heber C. Kimball’s journal, um, and, interestingly, Sam Weller’s had an agreement with the church that if anyone brought in sensitive materials, that the church got to look at it first if they wanted to buy it so that it didn’t get out to the public. And, so, the church was notified and they immediately assumed this must have come from the vault, that someone copied it, and they went looking for who could have stolen it, uh, there weren’t many people with the combination to the vault so they decided, uh, that the only person smart enough to have done this must be Peter Danzig, my dad, and so they came in and told him he was immediately suspended without… he was immediately suspended from work, uh, had, wasn’t allowed to tell anybody what was happening if he did talk to anybody, uh, his wife or his bishop, that he would be excommunicated and lose his job immediately. And this investigation dragged on forever, despite the fact that within three days they had determined that this was a fifth generation copy of the microfilm, it turned out that it had been stolen from the Historian’s office… But for whatever reason they investigated my dad for months and months and searched all his, he’s kind of a pack rat, so he had a whole bunch of files and things that they went through. He had a picture of an owl and he was planning to make a piece of jewelry for my mom, cuz he sometimes did lapidary work…and they asked him why he had this occult symbol, and he had a paper he had written, I think on his mission or shortly thereafter, about the Second Anointing, and in the paper he had quoted some information he got from a BYU professor…and the professor had told him this on condition he keep his name anonymous, but they sat him down in an interview and said,       23 “Your very salvation,” they told him repeatedly that they were authorized by the Quorum of the Twelve to do this investigation, and they said, “Your very salvation hinges on you answering these questions,” and badgered him into telling who this professor was. Dad tells me that he heard that at some point he had left BYU and the church, so it’s entirely possible that the poor guy got badgered as well. So, I, I just…when I went through my experience I started re-reading some of his journal and I found an, an entry in there where he said they had asked him if he was part of the Intellectual Mormon Underground! I, ha ha, I, ha, had to chuckle…This happened when I was 7, 8, right around when I was baptized… My dad blamed it on church security and overzealous people who felt they had to defend god, um, and so I grew up thinking there were these BAD people in the church, but the Brethren are so wonderful. ELDER RUSSELL 13 November 1999, Illapel: One of the problems here is that practically all the men work in a mine close by called Pelambres. It sucks cuz you find wonderful people but it’s impossible to work with them because of their schedules…So that’s poopy. Elder Blues and I were considering making the word “Pelambres” a swear word. So in other words, I’m back in the campo & facing a lot of the same problems we faced in Cabildo. PETER AND MARY DANZIG, SALT LAKE CITY PETER - I went to school to become a therapist…and, just a few months into school I realized that there was a dilemma coming for me, that at some point I was going to be doing therapy, uh, with somebody who was homosexual, and I knew what my church taught about that, that it wasn’t okay to have homosexual relations… I was really quite conflicted cuz I didn’t know that much about it. I discovered really quickly that the therapeutic community’s pretty much stance was, well that’s okay, and you can be homosexual, and you’ll be fine. And I thought, “What am I gonna do when this comes up?” So I thought, “I’d better study this out.” And so I…discovered that reparative therapy had no record of functioning, and this really really bothered me. I thought, “The church that I grew up in, that I believe in, that I’m working off their standards…none of this matches with what they taught,” that…”I have       24 a big conundrum here, because it sounds to me like my church doesn’t know what they’re talking about.” Mary – I just kinda tried not to think about it cuz I believed the church and I trusted my leaders. And I thought that, “I just don’t have a piece of information that my leaders have. If I had this information, I would know they were right, so I just need to take it on faith, or I need to know that eventually they’ll work it out,” because that’s kind of how I felt about blacks in the priesthood. My parents had always taught me that it was kind of somewhere where the church maybe had been wrong, but that it got worked out, so I just thought it would get worked out. But Peter seemed so worried about it, and that made me feel worried because I felt like it was affecting his testimony, which would affect our family tremendously. Peter – As I looked at this…and particularly got to know some gay members of the LDS church, I identified so deeply with their story, because I think what stuck out to me was the fact that there was something about their innate core nature that they had to kill off, that they were expected to get rid of, destroy, in order to be an okay person, or in order to be a successful member of the church, and I began to really realize that I had my own things that I had tried to push away from, parts of myself that I had tried to kill off or escape, one of those I think being that I’m innately a questioner, which isn’t a particularly comfortable thing to be in the LDS church sometimes. ELDER RUSSELL 14 November 1999, Illapel: Holy cow, we just had the most wonderful day! It was sooooo good. We had a sweet cita with Iván – he committed to read the whole Book of Mormon by his baptism. He went to church today and really liked it. We’re trying to do everything we can to prepare him well. He’s doing good – really making a 180 degree turn in his life. I love days like this when I really feel like a missionary and we’re working hard and teaching and challenging people to be baptized and feeling the spirit and having fun – it’s so neat! Life rules!       25 This week turned out good. But, we’ve still got a ton of work to do! We’re trying to be really super-organized and push it up to the next level. I’m excited! Things are really looking good. I love Illapel, I love my comp, & I LOVE CHILE!! PETER AND MARY DANZIG, SALT LAKE CITY Mary – We were members of the Orchestra at Temple Square. We were in it from the beginning. It’s a mission call. You audition, you go through an audition process, and then you also have to have an ecclesiastical endorsement, much like at BYU, and then, um, you’re actually set apart by the president of the orchestra as a musical missionary, and it’s a calling, it’s supposed to be under the direction of the First Presidency of the Church. I play violin. Peter – And I play viola. Mary – And, honestly, we loved, we, we really were devoted to the orchestra and for me, I graduated from graduate school December of 1999 in violin performance and had my first child, like, a week or two after I finished my classes and so, for me, I felt like, okay, this isn’t a time to pursue being a professional violinist; I have a family, but, look, they’ve just started this orchestra and I can perform and do this for God! Yes, it will take me away from my family but it’s my church calling; it’s, it’s a way that I can do, express myself and do music and not feel like I’m doing something wrong and… Peter – It was an incredible time when they started the orchestra. Mary – So exciting. Peter – This orchestra was going to be a counterpart to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, which is a big step up from the, uh, uh, Mormon Youth Symphony and Chorus. They were talking about this being professional quality, so both of us were excited and kinda jumped in. Mary – And it wasn’t an easy thing for us both to be in the Orchestra cuz it took a lot of time, and especially, I mean, from the beginning almost, we had little children at home. ELDER RUSSELL 17 November 1999, Illapel: Wow – I can’t believe what happened to us yesterday. I’m still in shock.       26 After lunch we went to the church to rest & study a bit. We left the church and started walking down Constitución. When we got to the Avenida, we met up with Iván! We were excited to see him, but right away we could tell something was weird. He walked right past and motioned for us to follow him to the sidewalk. We asked him how he was and he said, “Bad! They won’t sell me drugs!” and his voice was all weird. Then we noticed he had a bottle of cognac in his hands and had already drunk about ¼. I was shocked, but I wanted to get him off the street and try to get the bottle from him. So we took him to the church and sat him down. He was already pretty drunk. I didn’t know what to say – we just tried to talk to him as he sat there and right in front of us drank about 1/3 more, probably a little more. It was completely amazing – right in front of our eyes he just got drunker and drunker and stupider and stupider. He kept asking us to forgive him and saying ridiculous, incoherent stuff. It was absolutely repulsive. His eyes glazed over and he looked horrible – this was not the same Ivan. It really scared me. He poured out the last little bit on the floor, which would have been fine, except that we were in the Primary room, the only room in the whole church with carpet, and the room and eventually the hallway started to smell like booze. He finally passed out on the table that he was sitting next to, then he fell to the other side on a garbage can and landed on the floor. He was so out of it – he slept there on the floor for about 2 hours. I just read the scriptures a bit and took a little nap. The last thing he said before he passed out was “No voy más a tu iglesia.” (“I’m not going to your church anymore.”) He finally woke up and said, “Elder – orinar,” which means he had to pee. We guided him to the bathroom, put him in front of a urinal, but he still peed all over himself and all over the floor. We took him back in the Primary room and sat him down on the floor, hoping he would go back to sleep, but he was wide awake. He had a pocketknife in his hands that I took when he was sleeping so he wouldn’t try anything crazy with it. He asked for it back and we tried to take him home. I led him down the street with my arm around him. We sure got a few looks on the street. We only made it around the corner and he started struggling so we left him there.       27 JEFFREY NIELSEN, OP-ED, SALT LAKE TRIBUNE, 4 JUNE 2006 The leaders of my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, recently spoke out against gay marriage and asked members to encourage their U.S. senators to pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting homosexual marriage. As a member, I sustain the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as LDS general authorities; however, I reject the premise that they are thereby immune from thoughtful questioning or benevolent criticism. A perfect God does not require blind obedience, nor does He need unthinking loyalty. Freedom of conscience is a divine blessing, and our privilege to express it is a moral imperative. Any appeal to religious authority to create law is misplaced. Our Founding Fathers were inspired by their study of history to separate constitutional authority from religious belief, recognizing as they did the potential for tyranny in unchecked religious influence. In our pluralistic democracy, attempting to restrict an individual's rights and privileges based upon a religious claim is a dangerous rejection of our Founding Fathers' wise insight, and it should be unacceptable to all Americans. God is not the author of incoherence or injustice, but we humans often are. We in the LDS Church must be more honest about our history, including the past and future practice of polygamy in our official doctrine. This will be difficult, for it will reveal that we have been less than truthful in our public relations, and it will show our inconsistency with current statements opposing gay marriage. PETER DANZIG, LETTER TO THE EDITOR, SALT LAKE TRIBUNE, 14 JUNE 2006 As a member of the LDS Church, returned missionary and member of the Orchestra at Temple Square, I am appalled at the intellectual tyranny that our leadership has exercised through the summary dismissal of Jeffrey Nielsen from his teaching position at Brigham Young University for speaking his mind in an op-ed published June 4 in The Tribune. I was troubled that my church requested that I violate my own conscience to write in support of an amendment I feel is contrary to the Constitution and to the gospel of Christ. I am even more discouraged to see how they deal with an honest difference of opinion. I wish to express to Jeffrey Nielsen that I admire his courage and that I stand with him. I hope that rank-and-file members of the church as well as members of the lay clergy who also find this troubling will have the courage to step forward and let themselves be known. To do anything else would be to hide in the shadow of an injustice. ELDER RUSSELL 23 November 1999, Illapel: I was worried all day Wednesday and we kept going by Iván’s house trying to find him. It wasn’t until Thursday that we found out that he was in JAIL! They took the dude to jail!       28 Apparently he was just being drunk and stupid in the street and put up a fight. He showed us the cuts where they had beat him with a nightstick. We went to visit him in the jail. Holy cow, it was like something out of a movie. It was just kind of an old, dirty jail, with a lot of mean-looking people walking around. It was actually pretty depressing – there were a bunch of pregnant women and the such visiting their husbands in jail. Iván didn’t remember one thing that had happened with us in the church – he didn’t even remember seeing us! We went and visited him again on Sunday…He was looking much much much much better – he’d been thinking a lot about things and was reading the Book of Mormon from the start, too. We’re going back to visit him today. I’m extremely glad he went to jail. I think it’s about the best thing that could have happened to him. He’s still looking to get baptized the 26th of December, so we’ll see! We’re gonna work really closely with him and help him to stay strong and understand the gravity of his past sins. PETER AND MARY DANZIG, SALT LAKE CITY Peter – It was clear that this was a dismissal, and I was furious because it brought back all the people that I hadn’t defended, or my father’s experience, where no one ever, all these people knew he was innocent, and all these people would sidle up to me and tell me what a good guy my dad was; none of them ever stood up for him. None of them ever said, “Hey, you can’t do this to Peter. He’s a good guy, I know him.” I realized the problem is, no one comes to the defense of people who are unjustly harmed when the Brethren are wrong. So I wrote the letter to the Tribune...I got a call a week after it was published from Barry Anderson, who was the administrative manager of the Orchestra, that they…really wanted to talk to me about it. So, uh we set up a meeting, uh, in a Sizzler in Provo. This was kind of a strange…the president of the choir was Mac Christensen, and it seemed to me like this was some place he’d had business meetings before. It was a rather surreal experience, they asked for a stall, then they weren’t going to order any food or anything, we were just going to sit in a stall in Sizzler and have this intense conversation.       29 Barry I think ordered a soda of some sort. Gosh, the meeting must have lasted at least an hour. Basically, they told me that the Brethren… Mary – The First Presidency’s office. Peter – The First Presidency’s office had asked them to investigate this…I felt it went pretty well, because Barry Anderson, he’s a really nice guy, and he said, he did a good job listening and kinda reframing…Mac Christensen didn’t say much but looked really angry the whole time. I said, “I would love someone to talk to inside the church,” cuz they asked me, “Why’d you go outside the church about this instead of inside?” I said, “Who am I supposed to talk to inside about this?” And Barry was really nice, he said, “I’ll see if I can find anyone to talk to,” um, but when we got all done, really where it got left, was, “Your church membership may be in jeopardy, we’re gonna go back and report to the Brethren.” ELDER RUSSELL (real, without any missionary smile/facade) We heard on the radio one day while doing service in an old-folks’ home that Iván had escaped from the hospital while still incarcerated. We actually ran into him later that day and he gave us a note for his mother. We only ever saw him a couple times after that, and he always either pretended not to know us or was too stoned to recognize us. (resuming the effervescence, though muted) Missionary journal, 25 December 1999, Illapel: I’ve really discovered a new aspect of our role as missionaries – that of psychologist. People just feel so comfortable with us and tell us everything – it’s amazing some of the stories I’ve heard here about people. I really have a much greater understanding now of Christ’s atonement, how he took all our sins upon him and paid the price. As missionaries, we take the weight of people’s problems on our backs and then provide them a way to be eternally happy. PETER AND MARY DANZIG, SALT LAKE CITY Peter - There’s a committee called the “Strengthening the Church Members Committee,” um, that, all the descriptions I’ve read about it are that it’s a clipping service.       30 They go through all the major Wasatch Front newspaper letters to the editor, um, basically looking for anything that is opposed to the church, and clip it out and then… This happened to one of our friends who had been involved in Mormons for Marriage or Signing for Something, uh, during Proposition 8, that their local leaders are notified via a local letter from Salt Lake that so-and-so’s said this or that. I had a meeting with the bishop…and he told me that I was, that I had chosen science over the Brethren, um, that I was wrong, and had I, I wasn’t worthy of a temple recommend because I thought that homosexuality wasn’t a choice and didn’t go away, no matter what therapy you tried. Mary – So Peter’s temple recommend had expired days before this meeting. Peter – Two days before this meeting with the bishop. But we’d been going through this so I was like, “how can I go to a temple recommend interview in the midst of being excommunicated,” you know? So, so, I was like, pretty much, I was not going to be able to go to the temple here for a while if I’m not worthy, cuz I can’t change what to my mind were facts. I can’t make something different just because I’m told to, and I needed to agree with Elder Oaks’ talk from 1985. Mary – No, 1995. Peter – 1995, thank you, uh, about same-gender attraction. He told me that, he said, “I don’t think you’ve studied the prophets on homosexuality. Why don’t you go home and study them,” despite me telling him that, “I have. I’ve read the talk you’re talking about.” But anyway, I went home and I studied every weekend on everything, I went through... Mary – Every night. Peter – Yeah, every night. Thanks for keeping me on track. Every night for the weeks between our meetings I studied for like an hour and I looked up every reference to homosexuality in the scriptures and the Topical Guide. So I went back and talked to the bishop and said, “Actually, I did your assignment, and actually I realized there’s more support for what I think than I had thought.” Uh, he pretty much told me they were gonna have to call a church court on me if I didn’t shape up here pretty quick. I haven’t been doing anything except study my scriptures.       31 Mary – We’ve been going to church every week. Peter – I promised I wouldn’t send any more letters without telling them. So, no, the problem at this point was I thought wrong. For him it was, I had the wrong thoughts, and that made me unworthy of a temple recommend cuz it didn’t match what the Brethren thought. First I thought, well, I’d rather resign, cuz I think excommunication would be more emotional than my family could handle. Then they had the letter that they published reversing most of the things that I had been basically saying, “Well maybe it’s not changeable and maybe it’s innate,” so our family had written letters to the bishop. Wrote, “How can you, how can you say you can’t have a temple recommend? The general authorities are now saying exactly what Peter was saying, that it’s maybe not reversible and maybe innate.” So I was cleared on that account, but then we had to deal with an entirely different issue which was that I had insulted the Brethren publicly and I couldn’t have a temple recommend until I had un-insulted the Brethren by apologizing, so write an apology letter. So I wrote an apology letter and sent it to the stake president and no, it wasn’t good enough. What it was saying was, “I can see how maybe it came across too harsh what I said. Here was my intention.” And he turned it down. I think it was his task to clear me, I was like, “They don’t even care.” Mary – I think it was an assignment, but I would like to clarify that you never met with the bishop again alone. And our daughter was confused, and I say to her, “Well some people disagree with Daddy and are pretty upset and we’re all trying to work it out but sometimes feelings get hurt and it’s hard to work things out.” And she said, “Well, Mom, everybody thinks different things. Let’s just write them a letter and explain that cuz we all have different ideas.” And she’s just starting first grade and can’t write that easily and she sits down and works for like an hour to write this letter to the bishop that just says, “We all think different things and that’s okay,” and she draws this picture.       32 And so I wrote a letter and stuck it in to go along with it and I explained our conversation and said, “Please talk to our daughter and just reassure her that you love her, and that you love Peter,” because at this point she’s saying, “Well, if they’re going to hurt Daddy I think we should just stay home.” And so I wait for three weeks and don’t hear anything. And she’s checking the mail every day cuz she, you know, I’ve taught her well, you know, “Your priesthood leaders, they love you, they’re gonna be there for you,” and there’s no response, and so I call and make an appointment and say, “Please, talk to my little girl,” and he looked at me and said, “We can talk about your daughter when your husband repents.” This ordeal wreaked terrible havoc on our family, cuz Peter’s trying to deal with all this. He can’t change what he believes because he’s a person of integrity. And he’s trying the best he knows how to say, “How can I be more polite? How can I talk in a way that won’t be offensive to you, or what are my parameters to work within?” While he’s being met with this accusation that he’s an apostate, he can’t get a temple recommend, the threat over his, over our whole family’s head, that he could be excommunicated, and so Peter’s saying, “Mary, it would be better for our family if I died. It would be better if you could go find another priesthood holder who could do what he’s supposed to, who could think the things he’s supposed to. I can’t think the right things,” and he’s talking about dying, and I’m terrified, I am absolutely terrified. And he would come home every day and I would cry and cry and our kids have to see this and I have to go other places and look like a normal person. ELDER RUSSELL (sings a cappella) Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear; But with joy wend your way. Though hard to you this journey may appear, Grace shall be as your day. ‘Tis better far for us to strive Our useless cares from us to drive; Do this, and joy your hearts will swellAll is well! All is well! Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard? ‘Tis not so; all is right. Why should we think to earn a great reward If we now shun the fight? Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.       33 Our God will never us forsake; And soon we’ll have this tale to tellAll is well! All is well! PETER AND MARY DANZIG, SALT LAKE CITY PETER - So I finally wrote a letter, uh, that was accepted, that basically said, “Gee I’m sorry for what I said, obviously I was upset.” That’s the gist of it. But I kept it really short because I thought any time I try to explain anything it gets turned down, um, and so, the stake president said that was an okay letter. He would accept it, and now I needed to, um, make a copy for him, for the bishop, I got the feeling he wanted me to send it to everyone, and I copied all the Brethren that I had insulted and mailed it and I think that was the interview where it ended pretty friendly, he sent me off with a scripture to read. Got home, read the scripture that was basically that people that don’t agree with the authorities are like child molesters or something, I mean it was something, I’ve got it written down somewhere, it was just horrible, it was like the people that didn’t agree with Joseph, how they were like the sons of perdition, and I was just incredibly insulted, that we had this nice meeting and he sent me home with this scripture to let me know how bad I was. Every time I’d contemplate making all these copies of the letter and mailing it, I thought, “I wrote this letter to get out of trouble, not because…I feel bad if they can’t hear me and I feel bad if they perceive me as an enemy, but I don’t disagree with anything I said in the letters that I wrote. In fact, I, I more strongly agree with everything I said about intellectual tyranny, I mean, what, were they thinking I’d change my mind cuz they were gonna punish me?” And so finally I decided I just really, I can’t send this cuz I really don’t agree with it. It was one thing to let the stake president read it and get out of trouble. It was another thing entirely to have to mail it to everybody. It was too much. Mary - I wrote a letter to our area authority and asked for help, begged for help basically and, you know, told him all the details I’ve told here about how serious our family situation was and how devastated our family was and how our little girl doesn’t want to go to church anymore and after, oh it probably took six weeks at least, I got a letter back and I’m sure it was a form letter.       34 It basically just said, “Dear Sister Danzig, we’ve received your letter dated on such-andsuch a date, and, um, I have complete confidence in your local leaders. Sincerely, Elder Merrill J. Bateman.” And, that’s it. Peter – So basically the stake president gets told, “Good job.” CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS PRESS RELEASE, 24 FEBRUARY 2008 Church leaders are always saddened when an individual, whether through his or her actions or personal choices, decides to leave the Church. A welcoming hand of fellowship is always extended to those who wish to return at anytime. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are encouraged to study, learn and ask questions in their quest for knowledge. Gordon B. Hinckley, 15th president of the Church said: “This Church came about as a result of intellectual curiosity. We believe in education … we expect them (Church members) to think. We expect them to investigate. We expect them to use their minds and dig deeply for knowledge in all fields.” However, it is not acceptable when their digging and questioning leads to public opposition against doctrine Church leaders are obliged to uphold. That doesn’t mean that Church leaders don’t listen and consider opposing views. Quite the contrary. Local bishops and stake presidents love and are concerned about all members of the flock. This is the purpose of counseling provided by local Church leaders who know and care for each individual in their congregations. Honest disagreements are not the same as public advocacy of positions contrary to those of the Church. When disagreements arise, the principle of the Church is that local leaders discuss these matters with members with love and concern. This was the case with Peter Danzig. On 23 February 2008 The Salt Lake Tribune posted an article about Mr. Danzig who was a member of the Church’s Orchestra at Temple Square. According to the story, in June of 2006 Mr. Danzig published a letter-to-the-editor in the Tribune encouraging members to oppose Church leaders on the issue of same gender marriage. In his Tribune letter-to-the-editor, Mr. Danzig said he “was troubled that my church requested I violate my own conscience to write in support of an amendment I feel is contrary to the constitution and to the gospel of Christ." In reality Church leaders had asked members to write to their senators with their personal views regarding the federal amendment opposing same gender marriage, and did not request support or opposition to the amendment. Initially Orchestra leaders met with Mr. Danzig to see if his public advocacy of this issue could be reconciled. Finding no resolution, they contacted the Office of the First Presidency, and were instructed to refer the matter to Mr. Danzig’s local Church leaders,       35 as Church protocol requires. Mr. Danzig was asked to take a leave of absence from the orchestra until the matter had been resolved. For more than a year and a half, Mr. Danzig counseled with his local bishop and stake president regarding same gender marriage and other Church doctrines. Unfortunately he was not able to reconcile his personal beliefs with the doctrine Church leaders are charged to maintain by divine mandate. In December 2007, Mr. Danzig voluntarily withdrew his membership in the Church by his own formal written request. The Church normally keeps this type of communication confidential. However, the Church felt compelled to defend its position when Mr. Danzig made this information public and because of the blatant, inappropriate editorializing by the Salt Lake Tribune in what was purported to be a news story. ELDER RUSSELL 29 May 2000, La Serena: I had to play the piano for Stake Choir practice over in the Pampa. I only had enough money to get us there…so we had to walk home – an hour-and-a-half walk from the far end of Serena to the far end of Las Compañías. It was actually pretty cool. The coolest part, though, was right as we got on the long bridge that went over the river that divides Serena and Las Compañías, we noticed a dog right behind us. We moved over to let it pass by, but it stayed right behind us. The stinkin’ dog stayed with us all the way home! It was the neatest thing – the dog was protecting us! Once we hit the Compañías, the dog would go up to every person or dog ahead of us and check them out to see if they were okay. When there wasn’t anybody he would walk right behind us. It was so neat! The coolest was when 4 or 5 dogs started barking at us. The dog went right up to them and got in their faces until they left us alone and went away. We wanted to name the dog so we started calling out names to see what it responded to. The only one he responded to was “Pube.” So Pube followed us right up to our front gate and sat there for a while. We gave him some beef jerky and water. It was cool. He was gone this morning when we got up. Thank you Pube.       END     36