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Show puddles from bhe oubside in i remember he poinbed bhab out to me he sounded as if he wished he couLd change it as if somehow things couLd reverse themsLeves instead of aLways moving in i wanted to teLL him bhen bhat somebimes bhey did move oub remembering my knife when i wouLd prebend bhe sky was:san inverbed ocean bhe clouds breaking in bhe bLue overhead my head in bhe green Leaves of grass bLown bLack by bhe aLways moving shadow across the sun my knife He sbands where he sbood when he Let go of his map. He stiLL sees, in his mind's eye, how the wind caught i t fLapping away Like a bird. He sbands, bhinking bhab bime i s flapping by aLso, bhough nobhing percepbibLe around him has changed. The sky's Lighb is consbanb, neibher Lighbening or darkening. The frozen river beneabh him is sbeady and firm. ALL bhab exisbs bo measure sequenbiaL movemenb is bhe sLow, susurrant piLing on and on of snow on his shoulders and head. He has been sbanding here since he reLeased his map, asking himseLf over and over, "whab should I be doing?" -aLbhough now, creeping inbo his bhoughbs, merging inbo bhem Like a relay runner moving up bo cabch bhe passed babon, are bhe words, "whab am I supposed to be doing?" He sbands, fee Ling bhe smooth flap of bime around him, sofb as a bird's wing. If he were bhinking aboub ib he wouLd nobice bhab he has Losb aLL fee Ling in his feeb.If he were nobicing ib he would bhink bhab bhe coLor of bhe'has shifbed from pa Le grey^ bo dark grey paling around bhe edges. Bub he is nob nobicing or bhinking. He i s wabching. He is wabching as a specbabor wabches a sporbing evenb; wibh inberesb, bub aLso wibh a sort of cooi detatchment, as if he is bobh beyond bhe Limibed inberesb bhe evenb hoLds, and bhe coLLecbive inberesb mainbained by bhe crowd of which he is a parb. Whab he is watching is taking place in his mind. I t invoLves the shifting of a baton, shaped Like a question mark, from one runner to another. Neither runner however, seems able to get a firm grasp on the babon - not because of any ineptness on the runners' part, but because the baton i s shaped such that to pass i t from one hand to the other appears impossible. The two runners circle in his mind, both hoLdim* to the baton. Then he sees them. WiLLows. A grove of wiLLows, They are standing naked, behind bhe grey bhab is mabter in his head, and beyond the ^rey that is his seeing. 5 |