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Show 19 and suffered a vasectomy that caught infection and convinced him of a wrath worse than Aunt Davina's. I tried to stop when she made uncomfortable sounds, but Sister Hearthway said it wouldn't count unless I spilt seed. She closed her eyes and bit her fist while I did my best to get the job done. "Are you close?" she wanted to know, but I was beside myself. This was one problem I'd never had but I guess it was from fear and nerves I couldn't go. Sister Hearthway was real sore and I was scared halfwitted, so she told me hold still and got it mostly done with her hand. But she stopped just before my time, she said, cause she wasn't for sure it would be major enough of a sin if I didn't spend inside her. It was the most horrible time but by and by it was done. And then she was off me smoothing her floral-patterned dress and fixing her hair in the mirror above the sink. I rationalized this way: the Bishop would get her for time and all eternity as his consort and partner in the conjuration of universes in the Celestial Kingdom of Heaven; I could at least have her once on earth. I had under my bed a microscope Mom sent for my birthday and right after sacrament meeting I rushed home quick as I could to see the magnified contents of the smelly condom. Under the lens the salty waste an iodine tinted graveyard. Scores of the microscopic tadpoles like whale carcasses floated belly up, still as ghosts that would never be. They glided past one another, but I could not detect amongst them the least intimation of divine spark. * * * |