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Show Wedding The pre-taped instrumental backup began. A sister sat herself on each knee of the powerful, dignified Tongans, running her white finger through luxurious black Polynesian hair. They sang "He's so cute." I turned to the crowd, expecting mutiny, but instead the congregation erupted into high hilarity. I suddenly realized something: the contrasts were in my mind only. An important lesson was learned. My neighbors, the Tongans, live in the 20th Century with me. They make use of and contribute to the fast-paced American way, yet they base their lives on deeply-held values in the Tongan tradition. I began to understand the fuller meaning of the Tongan words "Ko e Tauhi Vaha's" (keeping up relations). It was obvious that the Tongans put great value on supporting relatives. How else had they grown in Salt Lake City's population from a handful in the 1950s to over 10,000 today? It was through families, scraping together all their resources, bringing relatives to America and housing them until they got going. The scenario has repeated itself time and time again. An example of this heightened sense of relations was evident in the execution of the Kinikini wedding in Salt Lake City. Petiola Kinikini has several suitors, but none were satisfactory to her grandfather. When Filikisi Hafoka came calling, Petiola showed little interest. Her grandfather, however, de- Observers young and older, right, are included in the party. Below, the bride is wrapped in Tongan mats and appears on stage at the reception. cided the match was good. If any single controversy disrupted the family it was over the modern world's view that marriage is a personal decision of a couple versus the traditional view that the family dictates marriage. In this case, tradition prevailed and Petiola learned to love her chosen mate. When the wedding date was set, Muli Kinikini, the elder of the family, gathered his children together and asked each of his five sons to contribute $500 for the wedding. His five daughters were instructed to provide mats, tappa, and entertainment for the wedding. It was not only to be a special wedding for the eldest granddaughter, but it was a celebration of tradition prevaiUng over the modem world pressures. For an uncle of the bride, working two full-time minimum-wage jobs, to contribute a $700 wedding cake is a phenomenal sacrifice. What other reasons are there for staking so much money on a single wedding? As the wedding reception proceeded the significance of the event became clear. The bride appeared in a full length white wedding gown replete with veil. There stood the same dignified beauty that the day before had been wrapped in mats and coated with coconut oil at the Kava ceremony. After being married in the Salt Lake LDS Temple, she now danced easily to popular Polynesian music. And as she danced she was showered with money by a thousand Tongans who came to the reception feast at the Cannon LDS Stake Center. Family members gathered thousands of dollars off the floor thrown to the bride and groom, starting them out in their new life together. The couple now entewthe Tongan reciprocal economic system. In other words, much of the money earned by Tongans stays loosely within the Tongan community. It is passed around a good deal, just as craft and food are exchanged freely in the islands, symbolizing an unselfish wealth in a country where there is no cash economy to speak of. This extraordinary emphasis on giving ties bond within family and community which heighten the spirt of cooperation and good faith to a level unheard of in our culture. The idea of "keeping up relations" goes far beyond the Tongan community and family. Tongans are very concerned about their relations in a new land. They are extremely conscious of being devout to their religion, whether it be Mormon, Methodist, or Catholic. Tongan leaders ponder ways in which American education can better be embraced by families whose full energies are drained just trying to make a living. There is great optimism in the community. Tongans feel they are new enough to America that the destructive patterns and stereotypes which plague other minorities might be avoided. Tongans also feel they are invincible. They like to do everything to the fullest. This very attitude breeds misunderstandings at times between Tongans and their neighbors. Through understanding of the mind and empathy of the heart, people leam to Uve together. In one wedding the heart of the Tongan people living in a new land can be felt. It is a heart which extends from the love of two people through a community, a reUgion, and a nation. It is a pledge to keep up relations. Top, traditional Polynesian dances at the reception, and above, women prepare rare kava root for a traditional Avi^l* *~>t L-<-i< |