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Show ·I ·- -1 1 · II I -1 . ' • 1 I I I I I ,I · -; 0 ~ de the Te~ple ~J Ro I rt I. Mc ueen I SALTL KECITY UT-hw.'sayearofsuicidn.arather hanh in roduction o the gay society I discovered in I 965. hidd~n neath Sal Lake City's placid sheen of righteous• ncss. The d tails were and unscnting-a strong. athletic neck sn ppcd by hofflcmadc noose. a beautiful head blown a n, a bod smashed like delicate porcelain on the concrete concluslo of a seven-story l~p. and two qu!ct overdose on begg and borrowed drugs. Homosexuality nc, th immcdiite scapcgoal. After all, 1hc •wi.s oiccs insi e critd, suicide and homosexuali1y go j re was so ething disturbing about these panicular s, someth "I unnecessary, something 1hcse men sh~t!cd hich was s much and possibly more to blame. Risking· luphcm I. concluded, after a long and biucr st ruggle ith my o n beliefs, 1h11 it was their inability to rt:· roncile i a liub)e armony lhe opposing forces of a rigidly . 'homoph" bic religi n and l'\omoscxuality that d~1roycd them. , I lllose five young men I met in 1965 were all in their early 20's. Th y were M rmons. Three of them had re«nlly.rclumed om mwi nary sen,icc for the Mormon Church. They weft all studc ts al Brigham Young University (BYU). r,hc Mo~ron-Own univcrsltY well known for its arch -conkNati1standards (conduct and dress. Montis prior I 1heir suicides. four or 1hem had been trapped in the on• oing homosexual witch hunts at BYU and sub cctcd to t c Ch~rch's ~isciplinary pro~rj m. The tes 1 eGay II I ·o nnon . II I ,. I ]· . j' fifth had sough1 h Ip n his own by con1actin authorities ind adm tting his problem to them. A an initial step in their "coun eaql of them w■s inte icwcd by . lhc c~nselor (or h m iual problems at that ti c. Spcj1· ccr W . Kimball, no i p idcnt, and prophet oft Church of Jcsu Christ of La er-hay Saints. The intcniew'-. wi Jdimball recked of mOfal l:Jlackmait. /\ftcr all, he was•• n aOOStlc of the Lord" and, ~ormons ~lieved, spoke wil di~r 4u1horily from God. hen he. ' with uncompromisi g Jltccision. robbed 11hem 1hcir digJlity. lheir sense of lf-~orlh, rhcir hopes for ha pines.s in ti\b life. and their d am of eternal saln1ion in the p~cncc or God. they bcti him. Although the inteNi s were couched in the sic '1oving'' terms onc finds scattered through the doc:u nts of the lnquisilion. they came a waking nightmare t my friends. Their COrJlinucd ucation Jar BYU and their pttdous membership in the Mo rmon church wen, made ontlngent upon !heir comp e repenl• ance and their will ngness to provide names of thcr gay people. As they des ribed it, the nam~ seemed m t impor.cant. I Following the intirvicws, each of 1hcse men changed sub1ly. ~ smiling faces were seen less frequently almosl always wi1hout the smiles. Their upressions rrcw even more dour'as, one by one, each was e•pcllcd fromlBYU. U · 'communicated from the Church. their families\ informed 1hrough Church channels of 1he "problem. " One by one they discOYercd their student records conta ined this sorry piece of information. causing difficuh ics in anemp1s 10 lint' or I •pd transfu too r tchool or . gain cm loyment; on by one. !hey look !he lives. 'I The impatOf thes.c c cnts forced '1e to do som serious soul•se~rchin •~umb lhrough n{y menial cai,loguc of h<?pe•g1v1ng at1tpdcs a d focused one I had rJ.quently heard in Mor bn rmceti " To thilc own self~~rue." lt worked its. 1Juliar, di hcd .magic. I rc~ized i~ seem«1 more natural ani more u1isfying f. r me to be l•Y than Mormon. 1n act for t first time in my life, I saw the possibility. of hap iness. I [discarded Mormonism ~ith the same case as o•n par a r n July. · It is not th t euy for c cr1one, bu tr.here are few ormon gay persons do them elves in. So c follow the advice of the Chutth, ~oid -.ny dmosexual conlacl, man-y, raise families, and bne sup ~. live happily ever after. Others hide their ho psaual a i,ity behind the facade of wife and family and sa i5fy the.m s Iva with an,nymous acts in parks. bathhouses o a.ucomobil Because hey choose to live with an additional rhCJlsure o guilt and th constant thrtat of nposure, these Mormons ften cxhibi a lack of inttgrity for which I have ittle regard Finally. 1h re are lh who do whai I did. They ,imply stop being M rmons. j My friend from 1965 were good l!'ople. They •anled 10 ~ belier pie. but t~ey bclicv~ ( in their church more than they bclbcd in themselves. WJien their church reject ed lhem bec~s< lhey .,,,._gay, ii dn1roycd lhcm. I doubl the Mormon Church will CYtr accepl even a portion of the blame. • f ~+ 1 1 |
