Love & Punishment

The artwork presented in my thesis exhibition is a unique and cohesive body of work tightly connected with my still-fresh memory of my recent incarceration. In this exhibition I'm including artwork that I created during my time in prison, the halfway house, and on probation. My hope is to move viewers beyond the physical presence of my two dimensional images, and eventually create the effect of claustrophobia felt by an inmate in a cell through the unorthodox way of displaying the various pieces of art.

Acknowledgment Foremost, I want to thank my friends Marianne Fisher and Michelle Folgers, who made it possible for me to attend the University of Utah, and for their faith in me, that I, a visually impaired person, could earn the highest degree in visual arts that this Department offers. At the same time I want to thank all the faculty of this department who recognized my talent, and were instrumental in getting me back into the MFA program. I would also like to emphasize my deep appreciation to every member of my committee for their support, and understanding of my work and ideas throughout the time spent as a graduate at this department. A special thanks to former Art Accessdirector Ruth Lubbers who 9 years ago introduced me to the Partners program and the given opportunity to exhibit my work there. Two years ago, on my behalf- in his letter of support R.D. (Sam Wilson) wrote that he would personally take responsibilities for all my successes or failures, and I want to thank him for that. ART I A&E ; seven mind-media works d..i from her other wod<, In tbDJ they l use a lot of 1extnre,; In fact, the j aesthetic thal ties ~ unages i 1ogether Is the way 1he relallonl ahlp ~ ngme and bacl<j ground Is blurred. ; Whal happens when you 1u.e 0 local artists explore the i peaplc wbo attn't figures of powmi and depict them 011 1h11 llC&le? ries behind portraits. i "Theword 'eounterspeetacle' loll• i matcalhespectatori.s re-..dinglnto ~JIit j wbal 1.utalic.bulgningawaywith . j being evaluatocl or ~ at by very face t.,lls 8 ,tor)', In 115 con- [ tbe picture," Kanatslz explains. and nnu some1hlng or the , "The hew ....,, oversized and history an.cl pe,..,nality of 1he indi· inli,nidalln& and looking back at u.l. ,-.. 0 artlllU In a new exblblt at Art j the apeclDlOI'.• The he..t repn,u.,e 1he art of the portnlt to pre,,- j s,,ntll the j,ergonallty writ lotge, two very dll'l'erent narrallvtt. Coollol! [ the ourward exprusion u repdifferent geopolitical and PffSODBI i rescoutloo of the s,,lf, the raqade pe<:tJ,-es. Suunnc Kanatsn and Vol~ \ presented as the authentlc. ,movie eii.cb take a side of the gallery s ; Jo tbe,,e works, however, she chambered apace to look at nto sides Intend,, to nmder "I.he face ~ ., wu.e. ! pended tn this te,etu.re and color Suzanne Kanotsb, with an American of the surlace, giving I.he surand Turtu.•h father, bas q,eDl • lot i race a ce.rtaJn amount or p(1'1ff-1'•• ue in Europe and the t,llddle East. Until i They u,, mostly anonymous uy, Ka,uwd.z wodr.ed u • profeuor j meo-except ror Vietnam War l.n& sculptuft 1n the rme-artll depart· i veteran PFC Wll)'DO lnmo.n-and nt ■t Web«r Seate Unlvenlty, and i.s N>p- j are fn,e ol lteffOtyplcal espres· by XVA Gallt:ry i.D Dubai and Salt l slana, except tor •rapper who w-..bat City'• A Gallery. Tbl.9 show marlia bcr i Ka.natsiz calls •omtndc.· TnuliUonal . rn to the flaure.after :>Syean, -ricing l po<U'1l}IUre bas • different lnlcouon. i him CMaJwith the harsh realliles orinearwrloua medla, and the impetus ror I.he j Kanawa 8AY9, and abe le: eeeldug • deeper, j ceratloo, lncludlnc, be says, the Inequities n, wu, 10 great degrtt, polltleal. i psychological muh. She has mcorporated i of the just.Ice system. Coming from a fnrmor -rhere i. a fasdnatlon with larg;,-ecale ; Easteru ideas about I.be ego, as well as j commu:nlst countty, be was shodied In the goln• back 10 Lenin,• abe notm,. i u.DCOQ9ffllllonalmatulals, like salt, "1negar i "land of the cree•bow eully that freedom tng l.n Dubai with be.r bnaband, Kanai.Sb ! and"""" C&bernetwine. i could ti<, lost. 111otoroversluportraitaofaheiks,and i Born l.n former Yugoslavia, Vojko I 'Ibo show a19o iJldudes oil p■lntlnp. llaed bcr to co.otamplata I.be mttnlng j R1rn.noric rendered legally bl~. by j wblcb be U}'ll are ■ comment on the tiJM uslYe rnup as the face or power. But j l.njurles su£fcred In the BMnlan -■-r. Lmng j be spent 1n halfway houae aod pl'ObaUon. • subverted lhe use of the r-. These l in America for 14 years, he ,ns hnprisonod i "lo all tbe palnbnp, I wt'll' clothing con· 1 iu 20<Tl for kidnapping bis cblldren du.ring j neeted with my lucarcen11.lon," he notes. krtltled jailhou\,\ketchbv a cnslOdy dispute. Ruth Lnbben, former i Be wenn garb associAled -with p~ whllo 'cikoR~vimovk . director of Art Access. vulted blm i malting an, and says be does tbal becanse in Jail, and be told her lh■ t when i he wants 1o be remlnded ohnd Inspired by be-was released,he wan tocl to~ ! tho<le people. a ahow of sketebes bed made m ! The JDOSt pe.-t woril Jn hb show is • prllon. • composed of nine difTotellt ucr.Jons Makin&' art In Jail hel~ him j of pal.ntinga.. --n.., c:tOSS bas nloe windows, cope wilh prison life ootil bu i nine lives; lltl llplfies somethln& that release, at which time Lubben wu \ doesn't dl-111)' ,....., for my chlldrcn,• be Instrumental In helping blm g~t; aplalns.llalaoinclodeadepk:tlruioofbim• aceepied into the MFA progn,m ,n l selfwllb • spike throu11h his bead, which Is art at the U..lvenity of Utah. t«w i wbDJ be feltpri.soo wasllb. 8ut1bestorylhe B Plulul1men1at A.rt Acces., Is bh i plcnm> tells Is ullimaiely traDS.formalive. MFAlhesisexhibitlon. i '"That's what my story is,• R,b;vanovk:says Jt'samovlngt~enttoatlme i ohhe c:r,)Q. "ll'• ■ symbnl ofresu~n In Rlzvanovic's Hfe that cbang_ed i and new life.- CW bnn, and lnclndos many deptc- ! tlons of follow Inmates, inscribed j COUNTERSPECTAC1.E: ,ritb their stories. One uoortbodalt SUZANNE KANAT51Z method or dlaplay combines bis i LOVE 6 PlJNISHMENT: prbonsketches,afl\xll(!tothenoor \ VOJICORIZVANOVIC oft.be galluyooder ■ ohectol'plas• j ArtAmssCi--, tic, titled "Don't Tread On Me.• In i l.hesc stories, be was able to see the i Z30S.500Wat.Ne.125 human side of seemingly neryooe l l!Ol-328-0703 be encou_uteted, fm!D convicted ) TlnlMJlt All9,10 mu.rdt,ran1;act.sofcompas•lonand j Fm kindness amon11 Inmates helped j Aa!ssArt.erl eface Things '°'"" 1,., ! ! l AUGUSTS-10 EXCHANGE PLACE 1•' PlAZA I! 350SOUTH MAIN STREET AUGUST13-17 SALT lAKE CITY & ,i:= COUNTY BUILDING~I 451SOUTH STAlE STREET "*' . l 0 AUGUST 20-24 CITY CREB< PARK STAll: STREET & 2NDAVENUE i "'°""' l AUGUST 27-31 EXCHANGE Pl.ACE -~ -•_, I PlAZA 350SOUTH MA:N STREET 11111(1 ... LAKE - ~ C I!! n C! ... z ~ 2 z ~ z iVI ~ ~ s a!c ....... · CITY I.YO. COUNCIL !!I ,, ARTS- SALT I., Jt. 't> ~ ~ t"' ~ ti THE UNIVERSITY OF UTAH COLLEGE OF FINE ARTS FINAL READlNG APPROVAL I have cead the final project pape, of VQ\.(Q BiZVA N OU/ C- in its final form and have found that (I) its format, citations, and bibliographic style are consistent and acceptable; (2) its illustrative materials including figures. rabies, and charts are in place: and (3) the final manuscript is satisfactory co the Supervisory Committee and is ready for submission to the Graduate School. Date Chair. Supervisory Committee Approved for the Major Department Approved for the Graduate Council THE UNIVERSITY OF UTAH COLLEGE OF FINE ARTS SUPERVISORY COMMITTEEAPPROVAL of a final project paper submitted by Vojko Rizvanovic This final paper has been read by each member of the following supervisory committee and by majority vote has been found to be satisfactory. Date Date Date Chair: R.D. (Sam) Wilson 1 2 AR'f :Af;CESSGAIJ.,l~llY OPENING RECEPTION .nJLY 20TH, 6:oo-9:00 P~I SHOW llUNS ,JUl,Y20 - AUGUST 10 I 0:(lOAM-6:fHJl'H 230 SOUTH 5()() WEST • SAL1'I.AKE Cl'l'Y Memory played a huge role in my life and in my artwork as well. According to my mother, at the age of 3, I had some kind of illness that was followed by high fever, and at some point during that night; I told her that I could not see. The next day when she asked me if I could see, I answered her that I could. I remember when I started elementary school; I couldn't copy from the board. The glasses prescribed by the ophthalmologist were not helping me much. Even though I was seated in the front row, I couldn't copy from the board, so I started drawing simply to make the teacher believe that I too was copying the lecture from the board. In my notes there was never anything that I copied from the board - only what I was able to hear and memorize. My eyesight has been checked by Yugoslavian, German and USdoctors. None of them can tell with certainty whether my blindness was caused by the high fever or the injury that followed 20 years later. The only thing they agree upon is that I have severe eye nerve atrophy. Figuratively speaking, I have a good camera (which is my eyes), but a bad film (which is my eye nerve). 3 Now as a new comer, living and studying in this country I have often heard people say that in the US everything is possible - especially when a person sets his mind toward achieving a certain goal. The question for me, then, is: can a person with less than 7% of normal eyesight, produce artwork that is realistic in nature, full of detail on both large and small scale, and compatible with artwork created by an artist with unimpaired vision, and how? The artwork presented in my thesis exhibition is a unique and cohesive body of work tightly connected with my still-fresh memory of my recent incarceration. In this exhibition I'm including artwork that I created during my time in prison, the halfway house, and on probation. My hope is to move viewers beyond the physical presence of my two dimensional images, and eventually create the effect of claustrophobia felt by an inmate in a cell through the unorthodox way of displaying the various pieces of art. I used six mural-like paintings that almost completely filled two of the gallery walls. On another wall, a 6.7 foot x 4.9 foot cross accompanied with nine other paintings and drawings completed the feeling of an enclosed space. Finally, I secured twenty-one large drawings to the floor to emphasize the idea expressed by various inmates: "Don't tread on me." All of these 21 images used for this installation are inscribed with their stories and are covered with a sheet of plastic. lnstalJation composed of 21 (18 in x 24 in) drawings of inmates titled : Don't Tread On Me. My art is about me, because it derives from my own life experience, specifically the issues surrounding my time in prison. I deliberately choose to talk about these issues because of my desire to contribute to that conversation. Until my freedom was taken away 4 from me r had not thought too often about the people who spend a long time living without it. I was shocked by the excessive incarceration, and the length of the sentences. r try to ignore those things around me that are difficult. My challenges are not so much the ones that r'm born with, but the ones r face every day. Difficulties are a part of life and no one is immune to them. To ignore them is to deny the possibility of change and hope. My life has been a mixture of many things. My work is also a mixture and a blending of many things. I use oils and pencils because of their flexibility- something r have had to learn in both my art and my life. Because these mediums can often be incompatible, it is a process of losing and finding the image. I draw on the traditions of Eastern Orthodox Religious imagery and my own experiences. It is a space where many things intertwine; paintings that feel like drawings and drawings that feel like paintings. There are times when 1 feel my existence acutely. When I re-imagine my possibilities and bring something new into the world, I start a conversation. I consider art to be a dialogue that can change a person's view of the world, 1 believe it is when we cease to be passive, that we bring about change. When I was booked in the Davis County Jail I wasn't just deprived of aH my belongings, the needed surgery on my leg, enough food, sleep, and equal opportunity to defend myself in court. I was literally deprived of the essence that makes us human. Even though things did not look real I knew it was not a dream. "What has happened to me?" I asked myself as I wondered how I suddenly transform myself into something that I never was before. I felt no different from how Gregor Samsa the main character of Kafka's short story the Metamorphosis felt the morning he found himself transformed into a gigantic insect. "As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. He was lying on his hard, as it were armor -plated, back and when he lifted his head a little he could see his dome-like brown belly divided into stiff arched segments on top of which the bed quilt could hardly keep in position and was about to slide off completely. His numerous legs, which were pitifully thin compared to the rest of his bulk, waved helplessly before his eyes. What has happened to me? he thought. It was not dream." 5 1actually felt less than an insect, at first, because I was on crutches, I was kept on lock down. My reading devices were taken from me so I couldn't even read my legal papers. I was in despair; I could not make positive use of my time. I was praying to be let among the population hoping to do some sketching, and perhaps connect with someone. At this time I was really questioning my role as an artist; however, knowing that art stays when everything else goes away: when I got among the population I decided to carefullly observe my fellow inmates, and sketch the ones that were most affected by the situation, hoping to capture their saga, and eventually give them back some of their human characteristics that were fading away. {Jtf') l \ ,, I 1 John Mauer, sentenced to life in prison for murdering his wife. Pencil on Printing Paper, 8.Sin x 11 in. 6 Picture taken at the opening reception Of former gallery director Ruth Lubbers and Vojko Rizvanovic. My strategy was first to approach the fellow inmate like a human and at no time to pass a judgment on him, instead to show understanding and compassion. My actual process of drawing of a person began before I even asked the person if he wants to be drawn. Being fully aware of my limited eyesight, I knew I had to use 100% of what I had. At first, I would try to engage in a conversation where I could not just seek an opportunity to see the person from close up, but also through talking to get an idea of whom the person really was. When I noticed that the person is comfortable enough to communicate with me, I would ask ifhe would let me sketch him by seating one foot away from me for a few minutes. For materials I had nothing except a simple white piece of writing paper and a 5 inches long unsharpened # 2 pencil, that's what I had available in the jail. During the sketching, I would let the person see how far I was with the sketch. While I was doing the actual sketching I would also engage in a conversation by asking him questions like: what color is your hair? Or what colors are your eyes? etc. 7 My intent was not to create a fancy jail artwork for there was nothing fancy there. My motivation was driven from my huge desire to one day, when I got out of there, to do an art show, and voice out my experience for which I needed to record as much accurate visuaJ information as I could. Being visually impaired, and not having my optical devices nearby, nor having the minimum of necessities that I would usually have while creating was very discouraging for me. In moments like this I always tried to remember my very first drawing that I did when I was 7 or 8 years old during elementary school. At that time I didn't have formal art education nor fancy art supplies but a piece of paper and a pencil. The drawing was a portrait of my mother that I did in class shortly after our teacher handed out some drawing paper to us. She recognized my mother in an instant. I remember her summoning the principle in disbelief because of my abilities to draw from memory with such realistic accuracy considering my age. An Art Fight 6.4 ft x 6.2ft, Oil on Canvas 8 I ( --------- .. Top: Hand marks, bottom left: Angry Hands, bottom right: Coo fused Hands. Each 18 in x 24 in, color pencils and acrylics on paper Sitting across from the inmate, I knew I now had the talent and a formal art education as well; three months prior to my arrest I was attending my first semester as a MFAgraduate student at the University of Utah. Positive thinking helped me in regaining my self-confidence at least in the sphere of the fine arts. When I had done 100 sketches in the jail I stopped counting them and continued sketching. Most of my sketches I gave away for free which in a way helped me a lot in reducing the stress that artists usually have to deal when they have commissions. Moreover, my reward was a thank you and a smile on the face when they would see how much my sketches resembled their features. 9 Later when I was moved to prison, inmates were paying me to do their portraits; I also did sketches of those who didn't have anything to pay me with, and I felt good about it. The evening before I left the prison my friends secretly organized an unforgettable party for me. My friend Robert (Tex-Mex) from unit B said to me: "Vojko you have put lots of smiJes in many families, I know you did in mine." This is something that I always want to remember. No matter how we feel about someone, and regardless of whether we are in an institution or outside, we should never step on, or put down other people, for they are humans, just like we are. After my release with the help of some of the faculty members from the Art Department (who were familiar with my work and situation) I was able to enter the MFA program for a second time. Some of the drawings that I was saving for myself before I was sent to prison I mailed to my public defender and now 1 had them displayed on my studio walls. During the whole time spent in my studio as a graduate I wore the clothing that my fellow inmates gave to me, and the clothing that the prison sent with me to the halfway house, because I care about them and wanted to be inspired by them. To produce this artwork that is realistic in nature, full of detail on both the large and small scale proved to be very difficult. The difficulties and obstacles were coming from all possible sides and angles. This was a time when I felt that I was not controlling my life, but life was controlling me. After I fmished my three year federal sentence instead of being released from the institution I was actually kept there, on the grounds that now my probation time had begun and I had not secured a residence. I was subject to the same rules and regulations as any other inmate there. This meant I could leave the institution only upon approval and only for the time and duration of my classes. Being late at the institution more than 5 minutes meant violation of the terms and conditions of the probation. I felt that the institution wasn't going to do anything to help me reintegrate in society, instead I felt as if they were doing everything they could to put me back into prison. The general notion was that inmates belonged in prison. The fact that I did my time paid my debt to society, didn't seem to matter. The thought of going back to the prison and uneasiness of that followed me throughout the whole time of my federal probation. Not having had painted anything for 3 years, the classes needed for my MFA degree were just adding to the load. 10 Study for self- portraits 1 and 2, 18 in x 24 in, Colored Penci Is on paper .. A better view of study for selfportrait 1. My style of painting and how I painted changed during the three years of my imprisonment because I could not paint while in prison. On one occasion I remember the chair of my graduate committee called me to his office and showed me a drawing that he had saved from my studio right after my incarceration. I had almost completely forgotten about it His opinion was that this is maybe the best drawing I had ever done and suggested that I do some more. I embraced the drawing warmly; it was something of huge value to me. It was a self-portrait with my crutch next to me. I could see in the drawing all the problems and obstacles I was facing at that time like they were engraved in it. Pictures were flashing before my eyes, this drawing became to me like a precious religious icon! In an instance I had a huge desire to build a large and heavy Cross on which I would show how big my love is for my children and how painful it was to do three years of time for kidnaping my own children. Literature helped me a lot in developing my ideas for my art. For example: the title for my show: I drew from Dostoevsky's novel Crime and Punishment. Dostoevsky's' main character Rodion Raskolnikov, kills the pawnbroker for her cash believing that committing such a crime is permissible if it is in pursuit of a higher purpose, and that doing good deeds could counterbalance the crime. I didn't murder anybody, my higher purpose there, was solely the wellbeing of my children. In any case, this little drawing became a beginning point for my most personal work, the cross. 11 Self-portrait with a crutch. Colored pencils on paper, 12 in x 18.7 in. 12 Exhibition view of the Cross at Art Access. Size: 6.7 ft x 4.9 ft I created 6 additional 18 x 24 inch drawings for this cross with depictions of my children, myself, and Christ. For example, in one of those drawings I depicted myself with a stake going through my head screaming in pain, wanting to show how prison felt like; referencing and comparing my punishment and pain to Radisav Ivo Andric's Character from his Nobel Prize winning novel: Bridge on Drina. Captured by the night guards destroying the Sultan's Bridge build on the river Drina he is going to be punished with the most outrageous punishment that there is: "Radisav bent his head still lower and the gypsies came up and began to strip his cloak and his shirt. On his chest the wounds from the chains stood out, red and swollen. Without another word the peasant lay down as he had been ordered, face downward. The gypsies approached and the first bound his hands behind his back; 13 then they attached a cord to each of his legs, around the ankles. Then they pulled outwards and to the side, stretching his legs wide apart. Meanwhile Merdjan placed the stake on to small wooden chocks so that it pointed between the peasant's legs. Then he took from his belt a short broad knife, knelt beside the stretched-out man and leant over him to cut away the cloth of his trousers and to widen the opening through which the stake would enter his body. This most terrible part of the bloody task was, luckily, invisible to the onlookers. They could only see the bound body shudder at the short and unexpected prick of the knife, then half rise as if it were going to stand up, only to fall back again at once, striking dully against the planks. As soon as he had finished, the gipsy leapt up, took the wooden mallet and with slow measured blows began to strike the lower blunt end of the stake. Between each two blows he would stop for a moment and look first at the body in which the stake was penetrating and then at the two gypsies,remindingthem to pull slowlyand evenly. The body of the peasant, spread-eagled, writhed convulsively; at each blow of the mallet his spine twisted and bent, but the cords pulled at it and kept it straight. At every second blow the gipsy went over to the stretched-out body and leant over it to see whether the stake was going in the right direction and when he had satisfied himself that it had not touched any of the more important internal organs, he returned and went on with his work." (Andric, 1945) D 14 Image cropped to fit the Cross. Colored Pencil on Paper, 12 in x 18. 9 in. p 15 on another drawing for this cross I depicted myself horrified in pain with a face that is in the process of transforming into a werewolf. All these seven drawings I arranged on the cross into nine different sections or windows. Five windows for the vertical beam of the cross, and 4windowsfor the horizontal beam. Nine windows - lives; it signifies something that doesn't die-my love for my children. It's also a symbol of resurrection and new life. Image cropped to fit the Cross. Colored Pencils on Paper, t 2 in x 1 2. 5 in. During this time I was building on a technique that I picked up several years ago as an undergraduate from Sam Wilson an artist and educator best known for the 14 Stations of the Cross that he had created for the cathedral of Madelyn in Salt Lake City, 1992. I felt drawn to his work from the very beginning and I was eager to learn his technique. When I 16 first saw his work I felt that his work helped me see better, and that would be my best logical explanation of why I felt so drawn to his work Regardless of whether I talk about his oil paintings, or colored pencil drawings, the work is sharp, high in contrast with lots of highlights, and dark tones. As a matter of fact it is very hard to distinguish which of his works are paintings and which ones are drawings, for his approach and treatment of his work is the same. It is extraordinary detailed work or "hyper compulsive" a term that Sam likes to use when he is trying to describe his own work. It has always felt good to be able to see things the way they really are, because everything that is one foot away from me both objects and people, it seems like they have tendency to dramatically change in appearance, and become something that they are not, something that I cannot define. Shapes that have no edges, or high contrast and are vague in color. However when I view Sam Wilsons' work I'm able to see and recognize both his figures, and objects in their fullness. My explanation is simple; his work has tones of details and is very sharp in contrast; even if I miss 90% of his details the 10% that I have seen could make up for the rest and stilJ make the image appear as a whole. Influenced by Sam Wilson: Right or Wrong, Colored Pencils and Acrylic on paper, 18 in x 26 in. 17 I begin my drawing first by a) toning my paper with a charcoal stick, and then b) drawing my conceptual idea with a soft or medium charcoal pencil, because it is easier to erase the undesired marks. Once I have translated a good portion of the conceptual idea onto the paper, I would start to c) lightly erase the charcoal, but leave the desired marks visible so I could continue building on them using a different medium. Now I would use d) pastel sticks or pencils to lightly fill in on larger areas of the drawings. Once I have done that I would e) shake or blow on the drawing to remove the excess pastel, and leave enough tooth on the paper for the next medium to bite on to it. My next step is to t) somewhat seal the medium on to the paper, (enough not to come oft) with acrylic matte spray, and at the same time to leave enough tooth on the paper for the next medium. After I have shaken well the bottle of (acrylic matte finish spray) I would lightly spray the drawing for no more than 2 seconds from about 11 inches distance, a few minutes later I would check with my hand to see if the medium is coming off the paper. lfit is than I would spray the drawing one more time for about 2 seconds. My next medium is g) prisma color pencils with which I would form the final details on the drawing. At the end I prefer to use acrylic spray gloss to seal the drawing which at the same time would help emphasize the treatment of light and dark parts. To bring this technique a step further after I have sealed my color pencil drawings with acrylics spray gloss, I would move on and paint on top of the drawing using acrylic paint particularly on the areas of the image where clothing is indicated. I would leave the face or the hand of the image to be in a color pencils with the purpose to show a clear distinction between skin, and clothing, two mediums for two different materials: skin made by God, and clothing by us humans. Having well sprayed the drawing before applying the paint helps a lot in reducing the wrinkles on the paper that usually happen when using water based medium. One good example in my work of using two mediums on the same drawing is the Pantocrator, (a drawing/ painting that I reinterpreted in my own way while looking at an icon.) The Pantocrator is a sixth century painting painted in the encaustic style on panel, and is considered to be the oldest image of Christ that survived both iconoclastic periods of the Eastern Church. This icon is part of the permanent collections of Saint Catherine's Monastery in Mount Sinai. This drawing/painting found a place on my Cross. The dimensions of this drawing are 18x24, and is cut into 3 pieces which explains how it is possible to have 9 windows on the cross and a total of 7 drawings. The first cut is a horizontal, and is on the level of Christ's eyes. This part I used for the very top window of ► 18 the vertical beam of my cross. Jo thls window we could see Christ's golden halo, His hair, forehead, and a portion of his eyes. The second cut is a vertical one and splits Christ's torso into two halfs. These two pieces I used for both ends of the horizontal beam of my Cross, and are right next to the two drawings of my children which are also on both sides of the horizontal beam. On the right end we see Christ holding the Gospel open in his hand, and on the other, end of the beam we see Christ's other hand making the sign of blessing. In the open Gospel, I wrote: "I oftentimes wonder of why God blessed me with the gift of art when he knew that I'm going to lose most of my eyesight." And on the other page of the book I wrote: "On the other hand I appreciate the gift He blessed me with, and the little eyesight I have so I can create art" The Pantocrator is cut into 3 pieces. 18 in x 24 in Colored Pencils and Acrylic on paper. 19 Image cropped to fit the Cross: My Daughter Dona Donka, Colored Pencils on Paper, 8 x 11.2 in. 20 rmage cropped to fit the Cross: My Daughter Cveta Cvetanka. Colored Pencils on Paper, 8 x 11.Z in. 21 The idea behind cutting the Pantocrator into 3 pieces is deeply rooted in my faith, and it is an attempt to represent the religious teaching of my church which is a big part of my culture, and of who I'm. We believe in the holy trinity, one God, one being, composed of three: the Father, the Son who proceeds from the Father, and the Holy Spirit, 3 that live in perfect unity as one, and are literally one! A concept that is really hard to grasp, and even harder to visually represent. The first art that I got in contact with was Icons and frescoes. Thus influences of byzantine art in my work is unmistakably visible; thanks to my mother who at an early age took me to church. To be able to do this with such a limited eye sight I believe for every artist it is very necessary to first of all have a huge desire to create art, and of course a talent and lots of practice. To be able to get more detailed work, I must compensate for my lack of eyesight and use for example: When my reference is a photograph I use a #12x magnifier or a # 12x monocular if I'm drawing from still life. Most of my work is figurative and it is important for me to get the proportions as close as possible. When it comes to getting details I oftentimes have my pencil under my magnifier; which is just a half inch from my eye just to make sure that I'm putting my marks the way I had envisioned them in the first place. Sometimes my conceptual ideas are not as clear as I would want. Therefore I often find myself going back and forth, from one area to another, sometimes adjusting, sometimes changing, and modifying, or both until it matches the beginning idea. According to EH.Gombrich: The painter beginning point can never be observation and imitation of nature All art remains what is called conceptual, a manipulation of vocabulary. Even the most naturalistic art generally starts from what I call a schema that is modified and adjusted till appears to match the visible world. (Gombrich, 1981) But is it possible for a blind artist who had never seen the light of this world to conceptualize an idea let alone understand perspective without having any visual input? According to perception and cognition psychologist Dr John Kennedy from the University of Toronto, yes it is possible. Dr Kennedy investigated the ability of an astounding man who in his own country is known as the pride of Turkey. An artist that has exhibited locally and internationally, a man that: more than once appeared in the press as well as on television such as BBC,CNNand ZDF.His name is Esref Armagan, this artist is a self-taught artist who 22 has been painting for over 35 years mostly in oil. Instead of using brushes he uses his fingers: "Esref is a blind man who has been drawing pictures since has been a child. He draws astonishingly well. Many people would say he draws better than many sighted people" (KnowledgeXFreedom, 2012). Although Esrefs work is predominantly landscapes he has done some portraits for example: he has been commissioned to do portraits of the former first lady of Turkey, the current president and current prime minister. Due to genetic mutation Esrefwas born blind. Esref is an astounding man and an astounding artist at same time who was able to see the world through his fingertips: "No one could call me blind I can see more with my fingers than sighted people can see with their eyes" (KnowledgeXFreedom, 2012). What is most remarkable about this artist and his work is his use of color, shadow, composition, and perspective, something that wasn't meant to be possible without eyesight. Amazed by his extraordinary abilities Esref was examined by the world renowned neurology team at Harvard Medical School in Boston. In addition to finding out of how it is possible for a blind man to paint such incredible pictures using scale and perspective, the experiment involved scanning Esrefs brain in a MRIscanner and observing his brain activities while he was drawing a picture. The findings of the scientists are astonishing: "The visual parts of the brain the ones for normal sighted people light up like Christmas trees when we are looking at things. Those became life and excited and incredibly dynamic whenever Esref was thinking of drawing in perspective Esref is doing something that we thought is locked in the visual brain and was only possible if you have visual input" (KnowledgeXFreedom,2012) says Dr John Kennedy. This is ground breaking discovery and the art of this artist is proof that we don't need eyes to see which is changing everything science had assumed about vision. Regardless of being blind, the process of this artist is conceptual. He starts his paintings by first imagining shapes that he has previously felt, he then uses those shapes to create a complete plan of the picture in his head. Astonished by Esrefs ability and process, Dr. Kennedy took a step further in devising an experiment in which he could see whether truly 23 blind person could actually understand perspective. This experiment involved taking Esref to Florence Italy to draw the Baptistery at the Duomo Cathedral where Filippo Brunelleschi discovered perspective: "lfhe can tackle a complicated object like the baptistery and handle all its parts and draw it and get all three dimensions of space and get them right, if he can do this, this man is outstanding" (KnowledgeXFreedom, 2012). Esref Armagan was successful at this task. Regardless of this artist's ability to draw in perspective without having any eyesight whatsoever, the artist wishes for people to pay more attention to what he paints and not the fact that he can paint: "I want to be remembered as a person who was able to see the world with the finger tips I want to be remembered for my art" (KnowledgeXFreedom, 2012). Impressed by Esrefs abilities and eager to tryout I started experimenting in such a way that I would blindfold myself to eliminate any visual input and see how much my artwork would change. To my disappointment, my artwork was changed dramatically. Suddenly I had paintings that were more expressionistic or even abstract rather than realistic. This was obviously because my method and approach widely differed from the one of Mr. Armagon. He uses a Braille stylus, and etches and outlines in his drawings. In other words he has developed a technique that is working well for his landscapes. He has also developed his own methods of doing portraits. "He asks a sighted person to draw around a photograph, then he turns the paper over and feeling it with his left hand, he transfer what he feels onto another sheet of paper, later adding color." ("Esref Armagan biography," 2010) On the other hand my knowledge of brail does not exceed level one. Because I wanted to create mural-like oil paintings (something that I have not done before) I had to come up with a new technique or at least improve on my old one. For example: due to my chronic bone infection on my left femur and my fused knee I neither could stand long, nor could properly sit on a chair. So instead of working the old and traditional way my new approach was first: securing my canvas on the wall using push pins, and then transforming my ideas through the means of sketching using paint. The first areas of my paintings that I would fill in needed always to be on the level of my head. When I needed to move to a 24 different area of the canvas I would take the push pins off, and adjust the canvas depending of my position. My best explanation, for describing the process of getting the finest details in my work would be: first I take the canvas off the wall, put it on my lap, or over my easel. Second, I would take a brush as thick as a pencil tip, and paint similar to a young lady crocheting a large piece of cloth. Once I have put all desired details on the canvas I would than stretch it onto stretch bars. Right: Strong-arming. Oil on Canvas 6. 7 ft x 6.5 ~ The idea for painting two identical images of myself on large size canvases was born in the Davis County Jail during my last arrest. The mother of my children claimed that I have broken her restraining order and therefore violated my probation. If I was found guilty of this, I would have been sent back to prison. Allegedly seven month prior to my arrest I had come and knocked on her door tree times during the same evening. Luckily for the alleged day and time I was still in the institution and my curfews were my proof of that. To make things even more ironical besides my ex there was a witness-a friend of my ex (who has never seen me before) however, claimed to have also seen me knocking on her door. 25 My reaction to the whole thing was: yes this could be possible but only if I had a double. An idea well expressed in Dostoevsky's novel the Double. This story is told in third person and in great details depicting the main character Mr. Golyadkin, as someone who constantly sees his double (a man who has taken over his identity and is exact copy of himself) who is going to do a great harm to him, and ruin his good name. Nevertheless, after being kept for two months in jail the courts came to its senses and released me from its custody. I requested to wear an ankle monitor for the rest of my probation so in the future I could protect myself from my double that is seen only by my ex. Fear, Oil on Canvas 6.4 ft x 6 ft Now, what the audience sees in most of my mural-like paintings is: me fighting my other me, or my double who is to be blamed for me being back to jail. The fight is for the most part over my artist apron, a metaphor of my struggle not for a second time to loose what is at stake, which is my MFAdegree, the last thing I was holding onto. Considering the fact that these paintings were painted after my release the work could be characterized as emotional or even purposefully sarcastic more evidence of my sarcasm in my work is visible in two ofmy drawings titled: 'False Violation' and 'No Comment.' 26 No Comment, Colored Pencils and Acrylic on Paper, 18 x 24 in FaJse Violation, Colored Pencils on Paper, 20 x 26 in. 27 In conclusion, the time spent as a MFAgraduate was an exploration very similar to a person who is night awakening from a bad dream in a dark room, and is searching around the walls to find the light switch. The time spent to find the light switch I consider as a time when art happens. My search also helped me to understand blindness not just as darkness but as a different perception of the world. For regardless of our disabilities and the daily obstacles we face, when a person puts h_iswhole mind, body and spirit toward achieving a certain goal results must be inevitable. My MFAThesis show is my proof that a visually impaired person can create artwork that is realistic in nature, full of detail on both large and small scale. My persistence helped me to overcome obstacles, and after all I was able to transform a very negative experience into something positive, which is my art. Image of Sheryl and family, from opening reception, Art Access July 20,2012. Image of Sam and Kristie My friend Marianne Fisher 28 References Andrle, I. (1945). The bridge on drina. (pp. 48-49). Beograd: Prosfeta. Kafka, F. (1915). Metamorphosis. Austria-Hungary: (p. 1). Kurt Wolff Verlag, Leipzig. Gombrich, E. (1981). The image of the eye. KnowledgeXFreedom. (2012, March 27). The artist with no eyes, Esref Armagan [Youtube]. Retrieved http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GVZhYaYXU8 Esref Armagan biography. (2010). Retrieved from http://www.armagan.com/bio.asp