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Show COLLEGIATE LIFE <br><br> They won't notice a freshman off the school campus unless he has a purse which points to an ice cream parlor or to something as good or better. After the freshie has treated them to an ice cream, then he gets a free lecture on health, the senior winds up his final speech by telling the freshie that ice cream was very bad for the health unless is was avored [sic] with ketchup. <br> They tell you to form all the bad habits while you are young, so that you may have them to fall back on if your health ever gets so low that a doctor can do nothing for you. They argue this by geometry and quote Mark Twain- sure Twain said so, that's all right too, so is the senior. <br> When it comes to athletics our worthy senior gets a piece of paper and figures that he can broad-jump forty-three feet seven inches. He thinks that if Jean Val Jean could raise himself over an eighteen-foot wall by muscular movement, then he, the senior, can do likewise because he is an educated gentleman, while Val Jean was but an ignorant fellow. <br> He goes out to broad jump and is surprised-he can only jump eight feet, he figured it out by careful mathematics too, even accounted for the effect of gravitation! Well, he could do it easily had he his clothe off and if he did not have a blister on his heel, and if-if-if-if. <br> Sure the senior is wise. He can prove it to you, if you are at all doubtful, by astrology. <br> Here the freshman fainted and has not been able to leave his bed for the last three days. Five seniors have been offering him advice on the subject of numerous subjects, read him a few lines from Herophilus on the subject, and declare that the freshie will be up and around or out of his misery if he takes the following prescription: <br> "Two gallons of carbolic acid, one quart of chloroform, one ounce of jamaica ginger, one pound of salt, five raw eggs, one dram of opium, a little codeine and morphine, add plenty of milk, a little cinnamon, some chloral, a large handful of strychnine, some antipyrine and some-just a little-cynide of potassium. Allow this to boil, keep stirring while it is boiling and give one quart hourly, two quarts after meals. <br> They got out a piece of paper and figured that the freshman would come to in five days, two hours, nineteen minutes, three and two-fifth seconds. Then they started to prepare a diet for him-they had the breakfast course when I left, it was as follows: Horse-radish pudding, chutney sandwiches, quail on toast, baked beans, two trout, two cups of strong coffee and end up with good wine; for didn't Bacchus say to drink nothing but wine when it could be had?, and the freshman could not be expected to live if he didn't keep the rules of the gods. <br><br> "She told him that she must not see him any more." <br> "What did he do?" <br> "Turned out the gas.' <br><br> Where things are what they Seem <br> GRAY'S <br> Tailored Suits, Dresses and Hats for young Ladies at popular prices <br> Chesterfield Suits for young Men <br> $15.00 to $30.00 <br> GRAY BROS. & Co. <br> 258 SOUTH MAIN ST. <br><br> Send your Boy or Girl to the <br> SALT LAKE <br> COLLEGIATE INSTITUTE <br> "The school that makes men and women" <br> NEW BUILDINGS ABOVE <br> THE SMOKE LINE <br><br> |
